Rapid17

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theatre with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.

He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"

"I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theatre."

The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theatre, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie.

Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"

Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all."

Agnes says, "I know...but this one's eating my popcorn!"

alcazar

iTrader: (2)

A young lass goes to the cinema with her boyfriend, and is soon horrified when the guy next to her unzips his pants and takes out his old man.

She leans over to her boyfriend, and whispers " That bloke next to me is masturbating!".

"Ignore him", says the boyfriend, to which she responds, "I can't! He's using my hand!!"

Alcazar

GaryK

An old lady is outside a cinema looking up at a man up a ladder pasting up a billboard, she says 'Excuse me son, is superman coming?' to which the man replies 'Nah love its just the paste dripping off the f**king brush!!!'

Gary