Bad joke thread
22 November 2006, 09:38 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Bad joke thread
Jeremy Beadle and his wife are playing cards, his wife looks over and says 'thats a sh*t hand you've got there jeremy'.
What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
22 November 2006, 09:41 PM
#3
Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Jeremy Beadle and his wife are playing cards, his wife looks over and says 'thats a sh*t hand you've got there jeremy'.
What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
What goes "click click click, is that it?, click click click, is that it?..........."
A blind man with a Rubiks cube.
quality!!!!
22 November 2006, 11:09 PM
#4
Duck walks into a busy pub, stands at the bar and says:
"Got any Bread",
The landlord's busy and ignores him.
"Got Any Bread"
Eventually the landlord grabs him round the neck and says:
"Look Duck, Shut it, or I'll nail you beak the counter!"
"Got any Nails"
"NO!"
"Got any bread"
"Got any Bread",
The landlord's busy and ignores him.
"Got Any Bread"
Eventually the landlord grabs him round the neck and says:
"Look Duck, Shut it, or I'll nail you beak the counter!"
"Got any Nails"
"NO!"
"Got any bread"
22 November 2006, 11:26 PM
#6
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a cop on a horse says to a little girl on a bike "did santa bring you that " yeah he sure did says the little girl . the cop says well tell him next year to put reflector lights on it and gives her a £10 fine
the little girl looks up and says thats a nice horse did santa bring you it .he sure did chuckled the cop . well said the little girl tell santa next year the dick goes underneath the horse not on top.
the little girl looks up and says thats a nice horse did santa bring you it .he sure did chuckled the cop . well said the little girl tell santa next year the dick goes underneath the horse not on top.
22 November 2006, 11:27 PM
#7
Scooby Regular
Reporter, "Sir Paul McCartney, will you ever go down on 'one knee' again?"
Paul McCartney, "Please, be civil, call her Heather!"
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
If you like it .... give me a greenie rep point
Paul McCartney, "Please, be civil, call her Heather!"
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
If you like it .... give me a greenie rep point
Last edited by pslewis; 22 November 2006 at 11:30 PM.
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22 November 2006, 11:41 PM
#8
Scooby Regular
Originally Posted by *Sonic*
Jeremy Beadle and his wife are playing cards, his wife looks over and says 'thats a sh*t hand you've got there jeremy'.
22 November 2006, 11:55 PM
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A man goes down on a woman - 'Jesus that stinks !' he says. 'Er that'll be the arthritis' replies the woman. 'Arthritis in your beaver ??' asks the man. She replies 'No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ****'.
22 November 2006, 11:56 PM
#13
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Originally Posted by pslewis
Reporter, "Sir Paul McCartney, will you ever go down on 'one knee' again?"
Paul McCartney, "Please, be civil, call her Heather!"
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
If you like it .... give me a greenie rep point
Paul McCartney, "Please, be civil, call her Heather!"
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
If you like it .... give me a greenie rep point
how do you give rep points?
23 November 2006, 08:24 AM
#15
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Originally Posted by sockpuppet
ha ha
how do you give rep points?
how do you give rep points?
23 November 2006, 09:02 AM
#16
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Young girl goes in to see Santa and sits on his knee.
"Hello little girl", he says "and what would you like for Christmas?
"I'm not a little a girl Santa, I'm actually 15 bt I'm quite underdeveloped for my age. As I've got a really flat chest , I'd like a pair of big **** for Christmas". She pulls up her jumper and shows Santa she's only got a small pair of ****.
"Well, I'll see what I can do for you" he replies. "Is there anything else you would like?"
"Well Santa, I'd like some hair between my legs as I haven't got any".
Santa replies "will a white beard do"???
"Hello little girl", he says "and what would you like for Christmas?
"I'm not a little a girl Santa, I'm actually 15 bt I'm quite underdeveloped for my age. As I've got a really flat chest , I'd like a pair of big **** for Christmas". She pulls up her jumper and shows Santa she's only got a small pair of ****.
"Well, I'll see what I can do for you" he replies. "Is there anything else you would like?"
"Well Santa, I'd like some hair between my legs as I haven't got any".
Santa replies "will a white beard do"???
23 November 2006, 10:03 AM
#17
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Originally Posted by MJW
A man goes down on a woman - 'Jesus that stinks !' he says. 'Er that'll be the arthritis' replies the woman. 'Arthritis in your beaver ??' asks the man. She replies 'No, in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ****'.
23 November 2006, 10:11 AM
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A bloke walks up to a bird in a nite club and says, "My name's Bond"
She says, "Don't tell me, it's James!"
He says, "No it's UNI, and I'm here to fill your crack..."
She says, "Don't tell me, it's James!"
He says, "No it's UNI, and I'm here to fill your crack..."
23 November 2006, 10:26 AM
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A paedo is walking through the woods with a 6 year old. The winds howling and the trees are creaking.
The Kid says to the paedo "It's scary isn't it"
The paedo says "You think this is scary - I've got to come back on my own"
Worst joke I've ever heard.
The Kid says to the paedo "It's scary isn't it"
The paedo says "You think this is scary - I've got to come back on my own"
Worst joke I've ever heard.
23 November 2006, 10:34 AM
#21
Where would you find a tortoise with no legs?
Wherever you left it
What would it be doing?
Just arsing about
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea
What do you call two deer with no legs and no eyes, having sex ?
F*cking still no idea!
Wherever you left it
What would it be doing?
Just arsing about
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea
What do you call two deer with no legs and no eyes, having sex ?
F*cking still no idea!
23 November 2006, 11:16 AM
#24
What's yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard!
God says to Noah "I want you to build me another ark but this time it must have 12 floors and hold only freshwater fish"
Noah says "Lets get this straight, you want a multi-storey carp ark?"
Shark infested custard!
God says to Noah "I want you to build me another ark but this time it must have 12 floors and hold only freshwater fish"
Noah says "Lets get this straight, you want a multi-storey carp ark?"
23 November 2006, 11:30 AM
#29
Originally Posted by merlin24
I was at the Cashpoint the other day.
An old Grannie in front of me asked if i could check her Balance.
So i pushed the old cow over !!!
An old Grannie in front of me asked if i could check her Balance.
So i pushed the old cow over !!!
23 November 2006, 12:11 PM
#30
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A brown paper bag walks into the doctors and says it's feeling ill.
The doctor carries out some tests and asks the bag to come back next week.
The bag goes back into the doctors and sits down.
"I've some bad news for you" says the doctor. "You've got HIV"
"How can that be I'm a brown paper bag" says the bag.
"Well, do you inject drugs?"
"No I can't I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, are you gay?"
"No, I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, do you have unprotected sex?"
"No, I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, that only leaves one thing then".........
..................... "Your mother must have been a carrier!"
The doctor carries out some tests and asks the bag to come back next week.
The bag goes back into the doctors and sits down.
"I've some bad news for you" says the doctor. "You've got HIV"
"How can that be I'm a brown paper bag" says the bag.
"Well, do you inject drugs?"
"No I can't I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, are you gay?"
"No, I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, do you have unprotected sex?"
"No, I'm a brown paper bag"
"Well, that only leaves one thing then".........
..................... "Your mother must have been a carrier!"