a few joke's pleaasse
06 July 2007, 07:06 PM
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a few joke's pleaasse
Old Mary Jane had lived by herself for the past fourty years since her husband passed away. Poor old Mary lived out in the middle of nowhere and never had any vistors or phonecalls .
Anyway , one morning she woke up ... on her 100th birthday when there was a knock at the door...
"I never recieve any vistors, who can that be 
" She opened the door and there was a young handsome man.... "Oh hello, " He said.... "I have a telegram for errr a mrs Jonson?"
"Yes yes" Mary shouted! "That's me! " "Your a Mrs Mary Jane Jonson?" The man questioned.. "Yes Thats me!, is it a singing telegram??
I've never had a singing telegram ... oh please let it be a singing telegram?"
" Oh no madam , it's not a singing telegram" The man said . " OH PLEAASE MAKE IT A SINGING TELEGRAM! Pleaaaase! Im one hundred years old today and have never had a singing telegram! "
IM SORRY MADAM, BUT IT'S NOT A SINGING TELEGRAM!!! " You just have to sign here if " "NO!!! Mary said Im not signing anything unless you make it a singing telegram"
"Well okay madam" "If you wish" the man said ...
Cough Cough ( the man clears his throat)
scroll down .........
DEAR MARY JONSON .....,, YOU SISTER ROSY IS DEAD
Coat door..................
Anyway , one morning she woke up ... on her 100th birthday when there was a knock at the door...
"I never recieve any vistors, who can that be " She opened the door and there was a young handsome man.... "Oh hello, " He said.... "I have a telegram for errr a mrs Jonson?" "Yes yes" Mary shouted! "That's me! " "Your a Mrs Mary Jane Jonson?" The man questioned.. "Yes Thats me!, is it a singing telegram??
I've never had a singing telegram ... oh please let it be a singing telegram?" " Oh no madam , it's not a singing telegram" The man said . " OH PLEAASE MAKE IT A SINGING TELEGRAM! Pleaaaase! Im one hundred years old today and have never had a singing telegram! "
IM SORRY MADAM, BUT IT'S NOT A SINGING TELEGRAM!!! " You just have to sign here if " "NO!!! Mary said Im not signing anything unless you make it a singing telegram""Well okay madam" "If you wish" the man said ...
Cough Cough ( the man clears his throat)
scroll down .........
DEAR MARY JONSON .....,, YOU SISTER ROSY IS DEAD
Coat door..................
06 July 2007, 09:07 PM
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A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad & stands next to the chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut
Barber smiles at her and says "Your gonna get hair on your muffin"
"I know she says, i'm gonna get **** too you dirty old b**tard!"
Barber smiles at her and says "Your gonna get hair on your muffin"
"I know she says, i'm gonna get **** too you dirty old b**tard!"
06 July 2007, 09:09 PM
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One for the ladies here
A medical professor was lecturing his 1st year students about 'Involuntary Muscle Contractions' to liven up the lesson he asked one of the female students
"For example do you know what your arsehole is doing while your having an orgasm?"
She replies
"Probably having a drink with his mates!"
A medical professor was lecturing his 1st year students about 'Involuntary Muscle Contractions' to liven up the lesson he asked one of the female students
"For example do you know what your arsehole is doing while your having an orgasm?"
She replies
"Probably having a drink with his mates!"
06 July 2007, 09:17 PM
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06 July 2007, 09:22 PM
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I went to see the nurse for my annual health check today, she said "I think you should stop wanking" I asked why & she said "Because i'm trying to examine you"
Trending Topics
06 July 2007, 09:24 PM
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Ola ST!
Grandma says to her young grandson "be a love and help me put this tampax in"
"Course i will gran!" she bends over, pulls her knickers down and spreads her legs
Grandson says "Do i put it in the brown hole gran, or feed it to the Turkey!"
Grandma says to her young grandson "be a love and help me put this tampax in"
"Course i will gran!" she bends over, pulls her knickers down and spreads her legs
Grandson says "Do i put it in the brown hole gran, or feed it to the Turkey!"
06 July 2007, 09:25 PM
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Husband buys a birthday present for his wife, she opens it and says "What the **** do i want with a space rocket" he reples
"Well, you wanted space, so **** off!"
"Well, you wanted space, so **** off!"
06 July 2007, 09:29 PM
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Man comes home to find his 17 year old daughter with a pink ***** up her, "What the **** are you doing" he says, she replies "well you wont let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute
The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with her pink ***** up him, drinkin a can of lager "What the **** are you doing" she says
He replies
"Having a drink with your new boyfriend!!"
The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with her pink ***** up him, drinkin a can of lager "What the **** are you doing" she says
He replies
"Having a drink with your new boyfriend!!"
06 July 2007, 09:30 PM
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What kind of wife can wash up with one hand, cook tea with the other, dust with one foot while sucking you off as she opens a beer with her ****?
"A Swiss Army Wife"
"A Swiss Army Wife"
06 July 2007, 09:31 PM
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Two men approach each other on a pavement, both draggin their right feet, as they meet one man looks at the other & points to his right foot and says "Vietnam 69" the other points his thumb behind him and says "Dog crap 20 ft back"
06 July 2007, 09:33 PM
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A woman had been on the game 4 years prior to her wedding, she was worried about the size of her fanny on the wedding night so she decided to tell her husband that she caught it while climbing over a fence, after an hour in bed that night, her husband asks
"Just how far across the fecking field were you before you noticed it was caught?"
"Just how far across the fecking field were you before you noticed it was caught?"
06 July 2007, 09:35 PM
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God appears to a man and says he'll have to quit ****, drink and sex if he wants to go to heaven, a week later god re appears & asks him how its going, man replies "The **** and drink was easy but when my wife bent over to get some meat out the fridge i couldn't help it, i had to give her one there and then
Gad replies "They dont like that kind of thing in heaven"
Man replies "They dont like it in Asda either!!"
Gad replies "They dont like that kind of thing in heaven"
Man replies "They dont like it in Asda either!!"
06 July 2007, 09:42 PM
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In the village of Hurbum, Herts,near Tillet Town lives Lucy Lykes, who owns the Cockwell Inn: The address is Lucy Lykes The Cockwell Inn Hurbum Tillet Herts
I'll get my coat
Cheers
Colin
I'll get my coatCheers
Colin
06 July 2007, 09:51 PM
#24
God appears to a man and says he'll have to quit ****, drink and sex if he wants to go to heaven, a week later god re appears & asks him how its going, man replies "The **** and drink was easy but when my wife bent over to get some meat out the fridge i couldn't help it, i had to give her one there and then
Gad replies "They dont like that kind of thing in heaven"
Man replies "They dont like it in Asda either!!"
Gad replies "They dont like that kind of thing in heaven"
Man replies "They dont like it in Asda either!!"
evening squire.....
now get orff my land
06 July 2007, 10:04 PM
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9 Engish men and an Irish man are in a line up for a rape case
The police bring the woman in
Paddy steps forward and shouts ' THATS THE MISERABLE BITCH'
The police bring the woman in
Paddy steps forward and shouts ' THATS THE MISERABLE BITCH'
06 July 2007, 10:18 PM
#27
Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a "get acquainted"***tour*of the White House.
*
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked*Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.******There, he was astonished to see that the President had a gold urinal.
That*afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think,"**he*said, "When I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"*** Later, when*Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told*Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact*
that in*the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary*turned to*Bill and said, "By the way, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
*
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked*Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.******There, he was astonished to see that the President had a gold urinal.
That*afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think,"**he*said, "When I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"*** Later, when*Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told*Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact*
that in*the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary*turned to*Bill and said, "By the way, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
07 July 2007, 09:58 AM
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Black fella walks into a bar with a big parrot on his shoulder,
The barman asks "Where did you get him from?"
"Africa, there's feckin hundreds of em running about" says the parrot
The barman asks "Where did you get him from?"
"Africa, there's feckin hundreds of em running about" says the parrot
07 July 2007, 12:41 PM
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2 nuns are getting raped in an alley...
"Oh forgive them Lord, for they know not what they are doing" Say's the first nun
2nd nun.... "Bejesus!! This one does!!"
"Oh forgive them Lord, for they know not what they are doing" Say's the first nun
2nd nun.... "Bejesus!! This one does!!"