joke
22 September 2007, 10:55 PM
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a guy walks into his doctors office and says, "Ddddoc i"ve bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and iii2m tired of it. ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???" the doc says,"well, i"ll have to examine you first before i can answer you." the doc examines him and says, "well i"m pretty sure that i know what the problem is. the guy asks,"wwwell wwwhat is it,ddoc?" the doc says "its your ***** its about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords,...the guy asks, wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"...the doc replies well i can cut it off and transplant a shorter one.i can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."...the guy says dddo it!"..............the guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctors office and says, "thanks doc. you"ve solved my problem and i don"t stutter any more but i"ve only had sex once in the past month.my wife doesn"t enjoy it any more. i cannot satisfy her. she liked my long *****.i don"t care if i have a stutter.i want you to put my long one back on.!"....the doc replies, "nnnnope a ddddeal"s a ddddeal!" 
25 September 2007, 05:18 PM
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns
with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at
it and
says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out
loud from the container.......
..
.
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns
with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at
it and
says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out
loud from the container.......
..
.
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
26 September 2007, 08:02 AM
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Blonde bird had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin, so she leaves a note for the milkman requesting an extra 30 pints.
When the milkman sees the note, he wonders why so knocks on the door to ask.
The blonde proceeds to the tell the milkman that she had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin.
"Fair enough" says the milkman. "Pasteurised"?
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
When the milkman sees the note, he wonders why so knocks on the door to ask.
The blonde proceeds to the tell the milkman that she had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin.
"Fair enough" says the milkman. "Pasteurised"?
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
26 September 2007, 08:46 AM
#6
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"Fair enough" says the milkman. "Pasteurised"?
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
Ernie the fastest milkman in the west
26 September 2007, 12:24 PM
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Blonde bird had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin, so she leaves a note for the milkman requesting an extra 30 pints.
When the milkman sees the note, he wonders why so knocks on the door to ask.
The blonde proceeds to the tell the milkman that she had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin.
"Fair enough" says the milkman. "Pasteurised"?
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
When the milkman sees the note, he wonders why so knocks on the door to ask.
The blonde proceeds to the tell the milkman that she had heard that bathing in milk was really good for the skin.
"Fair enough" says the milkman. "Pasteurised"?
"No" the blonde says, "just enough to go past me ****".
Sorry, it's old but it still makes me laugh.
Les
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28 September 2007, 05:31 PM
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A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man.
As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man ... "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different ****," he replied.......
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence".
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man.
As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man ... "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different ****," he replied.......
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence".
28 September 2007, 05:46 PM
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I thought this was going to be a variation on the Mel and Griff sketch were Mel walks into a Chemist and says (in a Swedish accent) "I would like a deodorant please"
Griff replies (in a Swedish accent), "Ball or Areosol"
Mel: "Neither, I want it for my arm pits..."
28 September 2007, 06:29 PM
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29 September 2007, 12:12 AM
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29 September 2007, 01:05 AM
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<cough> Not the 9 O'Clock news ISTR and it was Mel and Rowan Atkinson - who's rendition of "Boll oor Airs-soll" makes it ROFL .
29 September 2007, 08:03 PM
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29 September 2007, 11:33 PM
#16
Little johnny walks into his parents bedroom and see's his dad giving his mum one , his dad laughs , throws a pillow at him and shouts at him to get out .
A little while later dad hears a commotion coming from johnnys room , he rushes in and is horrified to see johnny ******** his gran , johnny looks at him and says ' its not so f"*king funny when its your mother is it ?
A little while later dad hears a commotion coming from johnnys room , he rushes in and is horrified to see johnny ******** his gran , johnny looks at him and says ' its not so f"*king funny when its your mother is it ?
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