Quick Joke
12 December 2007, 11:09 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: There on the stair
Posts: 10,208
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Quick Joke
One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, " I found the remote."
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, " I found the remote."
13 December 2007, 09:15 AM
#4
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Next door to the WiFi connection
Posts: 16,293
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient.
I have concluded that your act displays sound judgment and that you have a
sound mind.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry
How soon can I go home??
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim
out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and
bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally
respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient.
I have concluded that your act displays sound judgment and that you have a
sound mind.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry
How soon can I go home??
13 December 2007, 10:56 AM
#7
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: There on the stair
Posts: 10,208
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'll add this one as I accidentally posted it in Computing (don't ask)
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you f*cking idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
Try and make it three in a row
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
"If either of you f*cking idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
Try and make it three in a row
Trending Topics
13 December 2007, 11:03 AM
#8
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Next door to the WiFi connection
Posts: 16,293
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Nice one. I have one which I heard on monday night, its very boundary limits though and darent post it here for fear of infractions, its wrong but I couldnt stop laughing at it...
oh sod it, What do 4 out of 5 people enjoy?
arrrgggghhh I cant face typing the punch line
13 December 2007, 03:22 PM
#13
Moderator
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Terry Crews of moderation. P P P P P P POWER!!
Posts: 18,687
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Ok, if we're doing bad taste jokes, here's one I heard the other day.
For those of you who are easily offended. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING JOKE.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
LAST CHANCE!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Woman turns to a man and says: is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Man replies....bit of both; this is a rape!
Eeeeek!!! Of course the subject matter isn't at all funny, but I had to laugh at the audacity of the bloke who told it.
For those of you who are easily offended. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING JOKE.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
LAST CHANCE!!!
.
.
.
.
.
Woman turns to a man and says: is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Man replies....bit of both; this is a rape!
Eeeeek!!! Of course the subject matter isn't at all funny, but I had to laugh at the audacity of the bloke who told it.
13 December 2007, 04:19 PM
#19
Moderator
iTrader: (4)
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The Terry Crews of moderation. P P P P P P POWER!!
Posts: 18,687
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Again, I don't find the subject matter in the least bit funny, but as I indicated, it's more the transgression from social norms and expectations implicit in the chap telling the joke that I found amusing. Laughing at that kind of material is kind of liberating, especially in this day and age where you are expected to be so careful about what you say.
We've all laughed at misfortune, that does not mean we denegrate the suffering of those who have undergone it, nor the seriousness of the situation that the joke relates to.
Ns04
13 December 2007, 04:38 PM
#21
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: 392/361 MY04 STi
Posts: 7,638
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
14 December 2007, 01:00 AM
#25
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: West Yorks.
Posts: 4,130
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Fair enough.
Again, I don't find the subject matter in the least bit funny, but as I indicated, it's more the transgression from social norms and expectations implicit in the chap telling the joke that I found amusing. Laughing at that kind of material is kind of liberating, especially in this day and age where you are expected to be so careful about what you say.
We've all laughed at misfortune, that does not mean we denegrate the suffering of those who have undergone it, nor the seriousness of the situation that the joke relates to.
Ns04
Again, I don't find the subject matter in the least bit funny, but as I indicated, it's more the transgression from social norms and expectations implicit in the chap telling the joke that I found amusing. Laughing at that kind of material is kind of liberating, especially in this day and age where you are expected to be so careful about what you say.
We've all laughed at misfortune, that does not mean we denegrate the suffering of those who have undergone it, nor the seriousness of the situation that the joke relates to.
Ns04
yep, spot on ! Rape is no laughing matter (unless you're raping a clown)
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post