Simple really.

Let them start their pitch which they will anyway, interupt and point out that you only rent the property - 99% will immediately loose interest.

"**** off or i will cave your head in" works for the other 1%

 

I open the door naked and start to toy with my knackers

They lose interest almost immediatly.

Unless the caller is female in which case it's like all her Christmasses have come at once, obviously.

 

The "R" word springs to mind

 

I thnik you are mixing up theri emotions, more likely is initially laughter, then pity, then laughter mate

Did any of them girls run away screaming - "Oh my God there is a maggot consuming this poor mans ***** - oh, it is his *****!"

 

 

Open the door and as they start their sales pitch turn round and shout back inside the house with a southern states drawl, "Hey Cletus, it's another one. Y'all remember the rope this time!"

 

open the door covered in body chocolate holding a chocolate faced dog next to you on a lead

they will soon **** off id imagine!

 

Speak a different language and pretend you dont speak English, if you know some crude words too it'll make it all the more fun telling them to suck you off etc and theyre just looking at you funny