RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

I know I should get proper legal advice, but any guidance would be appreciated.

Looks like after 11 years of marriage me & the wife might split.

Since we met & married, I have supported her - she has never had a job or an income. She has been doing a degree course and we have 2 kids, so no real time for a job/career.

So bottom line is that I have paid for everything in the last 11 years - the mortgage on the house, our 2 cars, all our bills, holidays, clothes, etc etc.

We have a joint account and she has her own credit card (that I pay off monthly) and any cash she gets at birthdays / christmas from relatives is her money to use as she wishes.

She also got left £8,000 by her gran when she passed away a couple of years ago that she hasn't touched.

I am assuming that she is entitled to 50% of the house equity and any posessions (cars etc) which is fine, I accept that.

We want to keep it as amicable as possible for the kids - though in reality not sure if this can ever be the case.

Anyone know where I stand legally?

Ro.

The Trooper 1815

iTrader: (31)

You have answered most of the questions already.

Be aware that she is entitled to a %age of your company/private pension too.

Get yourself to family mediation. Top people no bias and you can attend together if you are not ripping each other up. You can sort out money, possessions and children. They help you go through all the stuff and let you know what your entitled too. Get a contract written up, then, if you both agree get it to the respective lawyers.

It a minimal fee and a damn sight cheaper than the leeches!

MattW

Entitled to a suitable residence to bring up the kids. That means the house. You'll have to pay the mortgage.

Also as she has contributed to the family unit as a carer she is entitled to 50% of your pension.

Maintenance for the children as well.

No chance of reconciliation?

Del mar

I am aware of people who have had to give away 100% of the house.

In most cases the wife gets the children, and as they need somewhere to live they get the house.

Spoon

Shafted would be the best term.

It makes no odds what you've done in the past, my guess is a starting point of 60/40 in favour of your wife of everything in the pot, that's anything you both have of monetry value.

Sorry and good luck.

PeteBrant

In my experience, it doesnt quite work like that - You are entitled to 50% of the equity so arrangements can be from selling up and splitting the equity, to signing it over to her and not paying the mortgage

lozgti

Best to see a lawyer.Especially with children involved.Makes a difference.She has also of course looked after them and the house whilst you have been working even if you havephysically paid for a lot of things.

Just a warning abou how the lawyers will look at it ( and any pensions as well)

Good luck

j4ckos mate

its an easy one you want get much at all

PeteBrant

Presicely, the arguement goes that the reasons you have been able to hold down a job and work is because your partner has been there supporting the household and children.


Who has paid for what is completely irrelevant.

j4ckos mate

try and get back together it will be cheaper and try aznd meet a rich piece on the side

Spoon

Pete, to be fair to MattW, a friend of mine had just that scenario and paid for his ex-wife and 2 children to carry on living in the matrimonial home until the children had left school age. Meanwhile he and his new wife just got on, minus a fair few quid each month.

MattW

Sounds like it can vary then. i suppose it depends on what the income is, but as Spoon says I know people who have lost the lot.

PeteBrant

Oh I don't doubt that it varys from person to person - Of course one can only go on personal experience be it thier own divorce or that of friends/family.

There is one universal truth though - Try to keep things amicable, you will get a lot further with discussion and compromise than open war, and get yourself a decent solicitor.

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

a horrible situation to be in and i feel for you mate, as I went through the similar situation about 3 years ago.

A lot of it depends on the lawyers you get and how amicable you can be.
Forgetting the letter of the law at this time, if and its a big IF, both of you agree on a decent settlement now (what is best for the kids, her, roof over her head, access and finacial details ), then it will save you a lot of grief and hassle in the end. The other thing to remember is the respective lawyers will get as much as they can , within the law and so you need to go into the meetings with a clear picture. the reason for saying this is, the lawyers will tend to just moderate and advise if you go into them with a clear picture of what both of you want. if you dont have this clear agreement, then they can have a tendancy to go for the jugular.

In my case, my ex-wife (even though she is a bitch from hell most of the time) did agree to a lot with me first and she had to argue with her solicitor that she didnt want more than she was entitled to. her lawyer was fuming, but had to accept her clients wishes.

good luck mate

MJW

Blue Dragoon has probably given the best bit of advice, try mediation - even if it all goes pear-shaped at least you can minimise the legal bills.
The best piece of advice of course is never, ever, ever get married !! Not much help under your circumstances though unfortunately. Keep you chin up, try sort it amicably & good luck.

Spoon

Solicitors can easily change it from amicable to an all out war if either you or your wife are easily convinced to being led in to believing you deserve the world and it's dog.

Oh and get a good female solicitor in case it gets shítty.

RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

Thanks guys.

Regarding the house - she wouldn't want to live there - its far far to big and expensive to run for just her and kids. She has already said this.
I will gladly help her set up a new house - for the kids sake.

So I envisage selling up & splitting the equity 50/50.

I have known her 15 years - she is the least money grabbing / get what she can person I have ever known. Her priorities are exactly the same as mine - minumal disruption for the kids - so we will both work towards that.

fitzscoob

No real advice to give, but I hope it works out best for you both and the kids. Its never an easy decision to make, but if you have made it for the right reasons then everything will work itself out.

Spoon

Without sounding like a doomeister, my ex was the same until her solicitor convinced her otherwise. I sincerely hope you both stick to your intentions, but you will have to be firm about it in talks with a solicitor.

DCI Gene Hunt

Seems a shame, but some things just aren't meant to be... good luck to you!

Chip Sengravy

It's not just the legal people. Wait till her mates get into her ribs and put the pound signs in her eyes.

The Trooper 1815

iTrader: (31)

It worked for me

After mediation there was a sudden realisation that we were better together than apart

RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

Yeah I know, friends / solicitors can change people's opinions (perhaps even mine !) but in the time we have been together she has never been swayed by other people's opinions and always gone for the "right" decision for the family unit, at one point turning down a career in modeling because it would impact the family too much.

It's all rather sad but there is no-one else involved and we have had 15 great years together and just grown apart recently as sometimes people do.

Kids are the most important thing & I would happily move into a small flat short term so she has a house and somewhere nice for the kids, just until I get things back on track.

I am in a great job & earn good money so I am not too bothered about the long term as I know I will be fine, just want to make sure kids are ok.

ChefDude

3 years on and my divorce isn't settled yet.

don't fvck around - get a decent lawyer and screw her to the wall jesus stylee.

there's obviously a female specific strand of DNA where it has encoded the rules of completely wrecking a man without style and grace.

Funkii Munkii

Again no real advice, sorry to hear of your circumstances, I don't know if it is possible legally but why not use the same solicitor if it is that amicable, at least they wont play you off against each other.

Good Luck

RoShamBo

iTrader: (1)

Good idea Funkii - hadn't thought of that !

Freak

Bend over
or hire a hitman- will be cheaper and less painful.


As someone once said to me... if you are thinking of getting married, find a woman you really hate, and buy her a house.



Shes a woman....give it time....

Spoon

Not possible.

GC8WRX

Which legal eagle tw@t decided that the ex is entitled to half your pension when you split??

Surely the kids would have grown up by then and she could support herself?

In most cases the pension is at least 20 years away!

What happens if its the other way round, and the wife earns and the hubby stays at home, does the hubby get half the pension, I DONT THINK SO!

The law sways too much in the female favour!

There are women out there who make a living out of this ****, they gey married to a different guy, have kids, then 3 years down the line she ***** off with a house and half your pension! then moves on to the next one!

There is a woman in our local who has done this to 3 men intentionally!

******* ***** should have her bits sewn up!!

Ray T

RoShamBo

you have a PM.

Ray t