Scooby Snacks 23

Our 3 year old son has always been really well behaved. He's well loved and looked after at home and my wife and I used to spend all our spare time (when not at work) with him. At nursery, he was one of the most popular kids in his class and the carers there adore him (as he does them).

However, our daughter was born just before Xmas and he's suddenly turned in to the child from hell.

Whilst I still spend all the time I can with him (weekends mainly as I work long hours in the week), he's become really naughty. He totally ignores my wife when I'm not around and seems to think it's funny to be banished to the naughty step. All of a sudden, he's drawing on walls at home, wetting himself, waking up frequently at night, smacking other kids at nursery and now seems to be the least popular kid there. I know there's a few parties recently that he's not been invited to.

I've tried talking to him and threatening with things (no story at bedtime, moved to a new nursery, that kind of thing) but it seems to do nothing. He apologises but it makes no difference. I do smack him if necessary, though this makes little difference.

We've were recently called into nursery by their management and they've said that they're concerned about him and asked how things were at home (i.e. were we splitting up!) They did say that often when a new baby arrives in the house an element of jealousy kicks in but none of my friends have experienced this with their kids.

Any one else had this sort of problem and if so, how did you deal with it?

Wife and I are tearing our hair out and it's starting to get upsetting.

SS23.

Chip Sencurry

Adolescence? They start young these days

what would scooby do

Tried a holiday in Portugal ?

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

3 year oldd can be monsters or little angels, mine was the latter

Spoon

Sell him now while he still has a good market value.

stevem2k

luckily I haven't had to deal with this, but I understand the most popular technique is to praise the good , ignore the bad when they are attention seeking. Acting on him being naughty is reinforcing that if he plays up he gets attention. Stonewalling / Extinction when they are bad, praise something (anything!) he does well.

Best of luck

Scooby Snacks 23

Sick - but it did make me laugh!

Funnily enough, my parents live there (but up in Lisbon!)

dpb

all down to the owners shirley

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

thats right dunk and i have patted myself on the back already

scoob_babe

Sounds like good old fashioned jealousy there.
Has the nursery suggested anything - I would have thought they'd be able to give advice as they'd be used to this?
Otherwise, is there anything you or wife can do that is exclusively with him so that he doesn't feel he has to compete for attention with baby sister - get a friend/neighbour to babysit sister whilst he goes out with mum on his own, maybe take a day off and spend time with just him?

53

iTrader: (41)

How often is he in nursery and when did he start ? was it before after your daughter was born.

If your wife is on her own with two kids and you work long hours, its bloody hard work. She needs help to stay sane, look after a new born and your boy needs attention which he used to get exclusively from his mum.

You can see your boys point, he needs more daytime one on one (hence the 'how often in nursery' question) and needs to be encouraged to be mummy's helper for the baby.

3 is a good age to give a child responsibility, and one of those is to look after mummy while I am at work Give him something of yours to look after (don't get angry if he destroys it!) and try and find a hobby/activity that he can look forward to at the weekend.

It's a start

Scooby Snacks 23

Some good comments so far, thanks.

He's been at nursery since 7 months so is well used to it. He used to do 3 days a week, but now wife's off on maternity leave, we've drop it to 2 to save money. However, because he is proving to be so much hard work for my wife (who had a c-section incidentally so not feeling 100%) we're going back up to 3 days.
Nursery haven't suggested anything yet (they thought we were splitting up that was causing the problsm!) but have said he needs more time spend on him and just him without the baby.

I like the idea of a day off to spend time with him (and will book one for the next few weeks) and I also like the idea of giving him some responsibility too. He does help bath the little one but mainly just wants to poke her in the eye or something!

Lee247

He is just trying to attract your attention in the best way he can. He is jealous and he is behaving exactly the same as my Son did when my Daugher came along. It only lasts a few weeks.
Try to involve him in caring for your daugher, I used to ger my Son to get the nappies etc for her and little things like that. Just so he felt he was being useful and needed. Oh, and everytime she had a nap, we had some me time. Just him and me.

Tiggs

red legs

sarasquares

iTrader: (1)

i had lots of those when i was little

TopBanana

There's only one answer...

Miniman

iTrader: (2)

Threatening? But do you actually carry it the threats out? Unfortunately we get a bit of this in our house (my wife will threaten all sorts that she has no intention of carrying out). But you have to be strong, don't threaten too much (because clearly you won't carry it through) but then make sure you do carry out any punishment you have put up before him, otherwise it means nothing to him to be punished, because he does not think you will follow it through.

It's all attention it sounds like - when our youngest was born, we saw the flicker of jealousy go through our three year old boy and caught it pretty quickly. Our lad (now 6) loves helping, so getting him to help with the youngest when she was born and making him know that he was her big brother and responsible for her (even though obviously we were responsible) appealed to his sense of being useful and wanted.

Also you might have to try several of the different ways of discipline before you find the one that works, also you might need to rotate these as they get older and wiser to what Mum/Dad will meter out next.

Brit_in_Japan

Two nephews, one aged 5 1/2 the other 5 months. When the second one was born the first was seriously jealous. From being used to getting all everyone's attention he now has to compete. He's better now, but it took some effort to reassure him that he was just as loved as before and extra effort was devoted to doing things with him alone. You've just got to persist and it will improve.

Scooby Snacks 23

I picked him up from nursery and he had apparently been an angel all day - really helpful to the carers and played nicely with everyone. As a reward, I took him for a Maccy D's before we went home and when we got through the front door, he ran into the lounge to say "mummy, I've been a good boy today".

We then invollved him with helping with the baby - he helped bath her, get her dressed and the he fell asleep on my lap whilst I read him a story.

A changed boy yesterday, he really was. I hope it lasts! I know it's a phase and hoping from what's been said here that it shouldn't last too long!

^Qwerty^

Would 2nd that one.

David Lock

I expect he read this thread

Good news anyway!!

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

I can't even control my dog... so I'm not looking forward to Kids... least I'll be able to catch my kids !!

The dog is too bloody quick

Tiggs

be carefull of that!

we take ours to the park for a reward. if they are bad we say we'll make them eat crushed up cow guts from mcdonalds so they can turn into fat ugly kids that will get beat up then have a heart attack at 35.

none of my kids eat mcdonalds...or want to

pimmo2000

iTrader: (6)

Kids like rubbish food !

I used to go to Mackies once a month as a treat. I'm really into my health food now ! so it did me no harm

*dies of Mad cow*

scoob_babe

Moooooo!

I never liked McD when younger either - okay I was about 10 or so by the time Grimsby got a McD but I preferred the nice French restaurants instead!

GazTheHat

Only if they're taught to like it.

No way i'd take my kid to Maccie D's or wherever, never mind make it a treat thing.

scoob_babe

I think we're missing the point here.....we may not like McD but the little boy is obviously enjoying time with daddy and that's the important thing. He'll learn the culinary error of his ways in due course

GazTheHat

You're right, sorry.