New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Feel free to contribute your own


Hearty congratulations to Venus Williams on beating Elena Dementieva to get to the final of Wimbledon.

I mean have you looked at Dementieva? She's gorgeous. How Venus managed to concentrate on her tennis with an erection is beyond me.

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I was standing in a queue at a supermarket checkout with my young son and in front of us is a huge fat woman.

Suddenly she gets a text message and her mobile phone starts bleeping.

"Look out," shouts my son, "she's reversing!"


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I got kicked out of school a few years back. The headmaster caught me behind the bike shed, fingering one of the girls from my class.

When I was leaving, he said it was a pity, because he reckoned I was the best Maths teacher the school had ever seen.

Julz1983

Little billy asks his dad for a tv in his bedroom, his dad reluctantly agrees.
The next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, "dad, what is love juice?"
His dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex, Billy just sits there with his mouth open in amazement. His dad says "so what were you watching then?" Billy says "Wimbledon"!

Tam the bam

A priest is out for a walk when he meets a pretty little girl walking her dog.
"Hello, my child" he said "and what's your name?"
"Petal, Father" she replied.
"My, that's a beautiful name" said the Priest "and why did your parents choose such a pretty name?"
"Well, Father, when mummy and daddy were first married, they made love under a tree and a petal drifted down from the tree, landing beside them. My father said to my mother 'That must be a sign from Our Lord - if our first born is a girl, we shall call her Petal'" replied the girl.
"What a beautiful story" said the Priest "and tell me, what's your little doggie called"
"Porky, Father" said the girl
"Goodness, that's a most unusual name" said the Priest "and how did your dog come by such name?"
"He f**ks pigs" replied the girl.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and f**k you big time.....

Lots of love,
Petrol prices xx

fivetide

iTrader: (1)

anything not from sickipedia?

5t.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

lol, Shush!

JPL

Paddy walks by a new pub and see's a sign in the window.

- Pies 50p
- ***** 10p

He couldn't believe his luck.

He goes in and see's a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her" are you the one that gives *****??"

"Yes" she replies

"Well wash yer f*ckin hands, I want a pie!"

Leslie

All funny and i really like the one about reversing.

Les

Mark'sWRX

Girl gets granted 2 wishes.

1st wish is to have huge t*ts. Instantly, she becomes a 38DD.

2nd wish is to have a tight c**t. She was given my phone number.

eClaire

Whats green and smells like bacon?








Kermit's fingers.

Lee247

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."