The Zohan

Work safe, not very PC which...is nice


I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
> One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
> Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
> A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30
> seconds to get out!'
> The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cu*t !'
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> why are women like clouds? eventually they fu*k off and its a really nice day
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
> Whats the difference between light and hard?
> You can sleep with a light on.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a
> KitKat Chunky?'
> The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
> 'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch.'
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> My wife, being unhappy with my temper, bought me one of those
> mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
> We discovered that when I am in a good mood, it turns green, and
> when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a fu*king big red mark on her forehead.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me
> to check her balance.
> So I pushed her over.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7
> miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled
> wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and
> we'll send you the video, it's fu*king hilarious....
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an
> angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're fu*king lucky...
> Mine's still alive...'
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
> The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> 2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts
> over 10 minutes.
> 'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
> 'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'
>

Moley

iTrader: (9)

I know what website you've been on

I bet it took you ages to find some fairly clean ones

dpb

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

With apologies for the poor taste


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When I was a boy, I had a jack-in-the-box. My parents weren't happy about it.

Apparently, masturbating in your grandad's coffin isn't the done thing.

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I was sitting on the settee watching a soppy film with my girlfriend. She was lying with her head in my lap.

Overcome with emotion after the film, she said, "give me a kiss dear."

I said, "if I could reach down that far to kiss you, why would I need you in the first place?"

Ns "there goes my respectable reputation" 04

Brun