Joke to rival Swiss
17 January 2009, 01:32 PM
#1
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Joke to rival Swiss
A couple go out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant in the city and
order the "Chicken Surprise".
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid
slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies,
"Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
order the "Chicken Surprise".
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid
slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies,
"Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
17 January 2009, 03:21 PM
#3
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A couple more..
Scientists have discovered that many women develop "Dyson's Disease" after a year of marriage.
They make a continuous fecking whining noise, but don't suck any more.
-----------------------
The finest crisp white writing paper, with handwriting using only the best ink, lovingly folded and wrapped in an immaculate envelope....
This is no ordinary P45
This is an M&S P45
-------------------
I was putting away the Christmas decorations last night and I found a present I forgot to give the kids. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped the paper and opened the box....
Unfortunately it was a puppy.
Scientists have discovered that many women develop "Dyson's Disease" after a year of marriage.
They make a continuous fecking whining noise, but don't suck any more.
-----------------------
The finest crisp white writing paper, with handwriting using only the best ink, lovingly folded and wrapped in an immaculate envelope....
This is no ordinary P45
This is an M&S P45
-------------------
I was putting away the Christmas decorations last night and I found a present I forgot to give the kids. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped the paper and opened the box....
Unfortunately it was a puppy.
Gotta love the Classics
18 January 2009, 11:00 AM
#6
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A couple go out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant in the city and
order the "Chicken Surprise".
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid
slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies,
"Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
order the "Chicken Surprise".
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as
the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid
slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and
again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies,
"Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this....................
Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"
Les
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18 January 2009, 06:38 PM
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Two women came to my door today. they said "Have you heard the good news? Wholemeal bread is better than white bread".
"Who are you?" I asked.
"We're Hovis Witnesses".
"Who are you?" I asked.
"We're Hovis Witnesses".
18 January 2009, 07:35 PM
#10
Scooby Regular
You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
18 January 2009, 07:45 PM
#11
You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
fail
18 January 2009, 09:42 PM
#13
Scooby Regular
My wife admitted to me recently that when she first met me, she didn't really like me very much.
Luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.
anyway
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
"I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not -- you looser."
Luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.
anyway
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
"I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not -- you looser."
18 January 2009, 09:56 PM
#14
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Murphy is having a drink in the pub when paddy comes running in and says ''Murphy someones just nicked your car'' ''bloody hell'' says murphy ''did you get a good look at him'', ''no'' replies Paddy '' but i got the registration''.
Aaron
Aaron
18 January 2009, 10:07 PM
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I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:
"I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not -- you looser."
"I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not -- you looser."
19 January 2009, 09:27 AM
#16
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I was out in birmingham the other day, so I thought whilst I am here I will go for a curry.
I was sat down enjoying my curry when the waiter came up to me and said "Curryokay?"
I said "go on then, just one song then p!ss off and let me finish my meal"
------------------------------------------
Prince Harry is in trouble for calling a fellow soldier a paki.
That in my eyes is fecking brave coming from a ginger german who's mum fecked off with a ******
------------------------------------------
I was sat down enjoying my curry when the waiter came up to me and said "Curryokay?"
I said "go on then, just one song then p!ss off and let me finish my meal"
------------------------------------------
Prince Harry is in trouble for calling a fellow soldier a paki.
That in my eyes is fecking brave coming from a ginger german who's mum fecked off with a ******
------------------------------------------
19 January 2009, 09:40 AM
#17
A blind man gets on the bus and goes upstairs and sits down.
A young woman is the only one who is sat on the bus with him and seeing he is blind decides to have some fun with him.
She takes off her knickers and walks over to the man, stands on his seat so her minge is level with his head and starts to rub her flange all over his nose.
After a few seconds the man shouts
"I know that smell anywhere, Grimsby, my stop!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I woman is walking down a beach and she see's a big toe sticking out of the sand. realising that the man was obviously asleep and had been covered by the sand she looks round, sees no-one, whips her knickers to the side and starts to ride this guys big toe.
A few weeks later the guy has a manky big toe so goes to the doctor to show him.
"I do not know how it is, but you seem to have thrush on your toe" says the doctor
"That must be the strangest thing you have ever seen" replies the man
"you would think so, but you would not believe it, a woman came in yesterday with athletes ****" says the doc
A young woman is the only one who is sat on the bus with him and seeing he is blind decides to have some fun with him.
She takes off her knickers and walks over to the man, stands on his seat so her minge is level with his head and starts to rub her flange all over his nose.
After a few seconds the man shouts
"I know that smell anywhere, Grimsby, my stop!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I woman is walking down a beach and she see's a big toe sticking out of the sand. realising that the man was obviously asleep and had been covered by the sand she looks round, sees no-one, whips her knickers to the side and starts to ride this guys big toe.
A few weeks later the guy has a manky big toe so goes to the doctor to show him.
"I do not know how it is, but you seem to have thrush on your toe" says the doctor
"That must be the strangest thing you have ever seen" replies the man
"you would think so, but you would not believe it, a woman came in yesterday with athletes ****" says the doc
19 January 2009, 11:26 AM
#19
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You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus
Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
Les
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