HankScorpio

Wasn't a high speed impact but did a bit of damage.
I got out and went to the other car to see if they were ok and just as I got out of my car, the other guy started to get out too and I saw that he was a dwarf (I think you're supposed to call them "little people" these days).
So I said to him "Sorry mate, are you ok?"
And he said "Well, I'll tell you for a start, I'm not happy".
So I said "Which one are you then?"
That's when the fight started...

spireite

was you around the same time as the titanic

The Dogs B******s

But it made me smile

filfy

and me

mykp

made me laugh!

n one

iTrader: (5)

I liked it

Lee247

Very good

zs_phil

iTrader: (1)

thats a bit below the belt isnt it


made me laugh

M444GY

iTrader: (72)

pmsl .

Scoobychick

iTrader: (1)

Hmmm, do we need a ban rule for posters of jokes over a certain age (the jokes, not the poster)?

Leslie

Made me laugh!

Les

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Matteeboy

Controversial alert:

Seems black people are truly leading the way at the moment.

Lewis Hamilton - F1 Champion, Barack Obama - US President. Will Smith - highest paid actor.

Michael Jackson must be f**king kicking himself.

GC8

Ive had Swiss Tony on the phone: he'd like his crap old joke back...

HankScorpio

Hey, made seven people smile so there's my sense of achievement for today.

(I was hoping it was going to be to not soil myself but you can't win them all )

Ian

iTrader: (10)

i bet he was grumpy

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

crap or not crap, I want it back

Scotsman

iTrader: (3)

Liked it :

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

Dont say that, what the hell am I going to do with this 1972 Joke book

Wurzel

iTrader: (1)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---------
------------------ ---------
---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---------
--------- ---------
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---------
---------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...
------------
--------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started...
------------ --------- ---------
--------- ---------
--------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
------------ ---------
--------- ------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $1 4.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- ---------
-----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
----
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- ---------
--------- ----
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire whil e we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....

JonMc

iTrader: (51)

Brightened my afternoon, especially the Jacko one

Nurse Gladys

Make that eight - my 11 year old is always asking what I'm laughing at on the computer & is really chuffed that I let her read the joke (at last a clean one to show her!!)

God help her teachers tomorrow as I know she'll tell it several times!!!

jasey

More dwarfs no doubt .