Pandemic......
14 December 2009, 01:18 PM
#1
Pandemic......
The next pandemic - I think I may have had this!
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc. From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone who starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick. Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.
NOTE If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc. From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone who starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick. Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.
NOTE If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling
14 December 2009, 01:29 PM
#4
I have to be careful of my racist attitude so that wipes out a large percentage of my jokes 
Instead I only have blonde jokes left
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint
a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka
and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she
if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that
she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said....
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
I'll get both my coats
Instead I only have blonde jokes left
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint
a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka
and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she
if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that
she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said....
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
I'll get both my coats
