Mid-week funny .....
26 May 2010, 01:51 PM
#5
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A few more:
I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, largechips, mushypeas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her tent flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
A fat bird served me food in McDonald's at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, largechips, mushypeas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her tent flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
A fat bird served me food in McDonald's at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
26 May 2010, 02:15 PM
#6
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26 May 2010, 03:17 PM
#7
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wifein bed with another man."Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But whatif you came home one night and caught another man in bed withyour wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his caneand kick his seeing-eye dog in the ***."
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26 May 2010, 03:23 PM
#8
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked
"If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!" the guy said.
The stranger then asked
"If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"
The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
walked up to him and asked
"If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!" the guy said.
The stranger then asked
"If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"
The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
26 May 2010, 04:58 PM
#11
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A few more:
I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, largechips, mushypeas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her tent flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
A fat bird served me food in McDonald's at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
I've just come out of the 'chippy' with a meat and potato pie, largechips, mushypeas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her tent flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.
A fat bird served me food in McDonald's at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually
Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'
Snow eh! The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!'
I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
26 May 2010, 06:37 PM
#12
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Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life,
"I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight" he said,
"What the hell is that"? asked his wife,
"You bend over hands on the floor, i pick your legs up and **** you from behind" said Paddy,
"I'll do it on two conditions" said his wife,
"If it hurts you stop straight away..."
"and we dont go past my mother's house
I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night.
I've never run so far in all my life.
"I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight" he said,
"What the hell is that"? asked his wife,
"You bend over hands on the floor, i pick your legs up and **** you from behind" said Paddy,
"I'll do it on two conditions" said his wife,
"If it hurts you stop straight away..."
"and we dont go past my mother's house
I'm absolutely knackered from my French self-defence class last night.
I've never run so far in all my life.
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