weapon69

Not looking for career advice particularly but i am beginning to look at my options for working and its not going well!

With 3 young children (only one is at school) i would like to work but
1. childcare costs are unbelievable for 2 children
2. i only have a-level qualifications so looking at low paid work
3. Having worked late evenings for 3.5 years i am not doing that again!

So question is for those of you with young families, what do you do if both of you need to work but are severely restricted?

Thanks

Hysteria1983

I don't work we are lucky enough at the moment (before they want psp's and xbox 360's) that I don't 'need' to.

However when my daughter starts school full time I want to go back.

A job at a school will be best for me, and 'school hours' are always good if your employer helps in that area.

David Lock

My wife gave up a well paid job to look after kids at home. It did lead to arguments and lack of finance hurts a lot. But we ended up with two fantastic kids but how would we know if they would have been the same if they were cared for by someone else?

I am against parents dumping their kids at childcare and then a nursery when they are very young but that's probably an old fashioned view. Typically parents who insist on taking their 18 month old on a summer holiday overseas.

However there are jobs advertised for at home mums although rare in current economic times so may be that is one option? See workingmums.co.uk for example. Worth investigating?

EddScott

Sometimes you don't have a choice. Some of us don't have well paid jobs to leave in the first place yet we have some self respect not to just sponge of the state.

First 2 or 3 years should be at home I agree but once they are toddlers they need to develop social skills which nursery does very well.

As to the OP, I don't have awesome school grades and neither does Mrs Eddscott. I work in a family run IFA business which means I can be more flexible with time off or bring our daughter into the office if I have to.

Wife was good at hair so decided to train as a hairdresser. This was a strain for us as she worked for 2 years for £50 a week (6 days 9-5 too!!) but now she has her own salon. IMO, you just have to put up with it and make the best of what you have - I also wouldn't put restriction on what you are or are not prepared to do. If needs must you do whatever you can.

Good luck anyway

Hysteria1983

Working from home as well as being a mother sounds like a nightmare to me.

I'd hate to work from home, I'm desperately looking for that release from feeling attatched to the kitchen sink.

I feel the same as David. I quit to be a stay at home mum, but after 4 years which will be 6 by the time my daughter us in full time school, I have really lost my way as a person.
I am forever doing short courses abd finding ways to feel fulfilled.
Now don't get me wrong, my children are everything to me, but I hate the fact that I have sacraficed pretty much everything encluding a career to stay at home.

When it comes to get back on the ladder I will be up against a lot of hardship. Simply because of the current climate of the uk economic state.
A lot of other people will be willing to take any/all the hours they can get. Which makes people like me wanting 'school hours' seem a bit less favourable.

Hysteria1983

Working from home as well as being a mother sounds like a nightmare to me.

I'd hate to work from home, I'm desperately looking for that release from feeling attatched to the kitchen sink.

I feel the same as David. I quit to be a stay at home mum, but after 4 years which will be 6 by the time my daughter us in full time school, I have really lost my way as a person.
I am forever doing short courses abd finding ways to feel fulfilled.
Now don't get me wrong, my children are everything to me, but I hate the fact that I have sacraficed pretty much everything encluding a career to stay at home.

When it comes to get back on the ladder I will be up against a lot of hardship. Simply because of the current climate of the uk economic state.
A lot of other people will be willing to take any/all the hours they can get. Which makes people like me wanting 'school hours' seem a bit less favourable.

Leslie

I agree with what you say. I think the childrens' upbringing is vitally important and having a mum at home makes a very big difference to that. We were a poor fanily and my mother did have to work, but when young enough I was able to go to her work with her and that was a good thing.

Children are very dependent on their parents as they grow up and I don't think it is good for them to be completely deprived of a parent to lean on when they are very young. My parents made great personal sacrifices for my sister and myself as we grew up.

Les

Hysteria1983

I think it's just better that the one who works continues to do so. No matter if that be mum or dad.

I think people need to understand that what's best for the family as a whole and the child as an individual are usually the same thing, with regards to how happy the famy are.
Sometimes both parents working is a necessity and there is nothing that can be dine about that.
Childminders and nurserys are not that bad.

Timwinner

iTrader: (3)

We are due in the next few weeks, Mrs Winner is staying off work until January but thats it, We cant afford to lose that extra income.
In an ideal world the Mrs would not go back to work but to lose the £40k she chips in every year is not something we can stomach.

Its a horrible situation, On the one hand people say if you cant afford to have kids dont have them, on the other people say you should make sacrifices for your children.
Damned if you do damned if you dont.

Hysteria1983

Its always worth people thinking not every child is planned. No matter what peoples financial circumstances are.

If you are on a low income and you get pregnant it's a whole different set of questions to if you earn mega bucks.
It's a complete double standard, but the same important thing applies in both situations. A baby has been created.

Simon K

Hi,

My lady doesnt work and looks after the little fella :-) Like the others above we spoken about this before having children and agreed this was the best, in own opinion.

My lady still does the odd bit of work, but in the evening. She works for a local clothes company, the sort that goes to schools / local halls and sells M&S / Diesel / outlet stuff. She does the organising / modelling and gets a few quid for doing that.

She also now helps out at the local NCT ( National Child Trust ) and gets the odd £££ for manning the dropin centre on Fridays. This is particulary handy as she can take the little man with her.

She also makes a few £££ on ebay, selling off stuff there. Being at home she can take pics, and keep an eye out on the auctions.

She's now looking at doing some sewing, making curtains, alterations. I know of a friend's wife who now offers `ironing` at a £1 a skirt, or a deal for 5 situation. She's quite busy too.

Why dont you look at your local NCT drop in centre's notice board. Some companies advertise there as the stay at home mum is the idea candiate for thier particular workforce.

Have a little look around and see whats about. Doesnt have to be major but you will be surprise how the odd £ her and there makes a nice little bundle.

However, I never get to see the fruits of her efforts, that £££ disappears. :-) Poor old SBK has to carry on working, pay for her, my house, children's clothes, and my lady's house which she rents for a loss ! My days of having spare cash are well over :-(

SBK

richieh

Err asuming you are the main earner(yes assumption is often unwise)- plenty of people manage to bring up kids well on less than 40k total family income.
If the loss of money bothers you that much then perhaps now isnt the right time to be having kids, however as its a little late to be shutting the stable door so to speak,good luck in your decision that money is more important than a full time parent being there for the kids, hopefully you wont regret it as you and your kid(s) get older
cheers richie

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Govt doesn't make it easy for peeps to stay at home & look after kids unless you're a scrounging work shy fop whereupon they'll look after you for life & you'll doubtless be better of than 90% of hard working families

Can you rely on local family members to help out? If not then there is probably no option than to stay at home & claim as many benifits as you can. TBH that's probably a better option for the kids albeit will be hard on you re lack of funds etc. IMHO 3rd party child minders are one of the many reasons that the UK is so f*cked up ... first 3yrs are so important & it forms their base personality for life - can't really be altered after that.

TX.

Hysteria1983

I agree that if the mum to be is the lesser earner with 40k then I am sure money isn't an issue. But then the mortgage etc all sets a different scene.

I find it odd that so many people feel that the 'best' form of childcare is at home with mum. The odd day or two away from mum from an early age (I'm talking months old not weeks) can and does do little one some good. Things like seperation anxiety and breastfeeding can become major problems when mum spends little more than an hour away.

j4ckos mate

ours are at school now, but
i work full time, my wife works, tues,weds and sat,
her sis works, thurs fri and sat,

so, it works out nicely, we have hers when shes working and she has ours when andrea is working,

the down side, is on thurs and friday we ahave a 10 month old, 7,9,12 and 14 year old too keep busy, and taking them out in the car is out of the question as they wont fit, in, needless to say, i like working

Timwinner

iTrader: (3)

Thats a bit mean, I am sharing my situation. I am pointing out that if one person stays at home some people will criticize and if both go out to work others will criticize. My point is there is no hard fast rule.

We planned our baby and will provide to the best of out abilities, I am sorry if this does not fit in with your parenting mantra.

SJ_Skyline

Our two spend 3 days a week at nursery and have done since about 9 months old. Mrs works those days and spends the other two days with the little ones. I feel there are many positives with this approachwith the kids building all those social interaction skills with others the same age whilst also getting quality time with mum at home. Yes as w69 says it's expensive to have two in nursery at the same time but it's only for a couple of years until they go to school.

Our plan then is for Mrs to change her hours to 5 days a week but part-time daily so she can match her hours to school hours. It's the flexibility of her employer that has really helped us (and kept us here).

This works for us and we have two lovely, little two year old menaces.

richieh

Not trying to be mean(although I'm a little tired from being at work since 230 am) but something to remember-your kids will just be 'on loan'-I'd be tempted to spend as much time with them as possible in the few short years they live with you and sod what everyone else thinks
I've not met many people that would criticise a parent for bringing up their children, but then I tend not to mix with 'career hungry' types.
Nothing to do with my parenting mantra-more life experience
cheers richie

weapon69

SJ skyline-sounds like your situation is what i am after! i think 2/3 days part time would be ideal. However i've really looked into the various childcare options locally and i would be in debt each month sending them to nursery/childminder! No family help unfortunately.

Looks like i will have to wait for #2 to go to school next year then decide.

P1-Brad

Although I earn enough for the family to live comfortably on, my missus will return to work part-time in March when our little'un is one year old, for a number of reasons:
- Our experience has shown that children's social and learning development is 'accellerated' considerably when put into nursery
- She wants a little bit of independence and a chance to use her brain
- She wants to earn 'her own' money so she isn't wholly relient on me

I think any one of those reasons is adequate justification to return to work, and proof that you don't have to be "career hungry" to use childcare services and that spending all your time at home with a child isn't always the best option. Not all women want to spend 24/7 caring for a child, it doesn't mean you love them any less if they want to feel like they've got a life of their own!

Lee247

We could not afford for me to give up work when I had my kids. Now 19 and 16. I still can't afford to give up work now, as 19 year old is in Uni and 16 year old is starting college in September.
Luckily I was able to fit my job working around my kids. I moved my hours to suit and worked from home until they started school.
Rearing kids is a very costly business, as most people find out. It is extremely worthwhile and I would not be without mine for the world, but with no help at all from the state apart from Child Benefit that everyone gets, I did have to keep working. No choice in the matter.
It's not always a case of putting money first

Clarebabes

I don't think "dumping" should be used when talking about nurseries. Due to me being a single parent for most of my daughter's pre-school years, what was I supposed to do? Be a scrounger? I bought my own house and had a good job. She learnt loads from interacting with other kids, and though there were times I wished I'd stayed at home, she'd turned into a lovely 11-year-old who can fend for herself and take responsibility for her actions. She is educationally advanced and can talk with an incredibly large vocabulary which other kids her age can only dream of. Whenever I take her anywhere, people say she is a credit to me and how lovely she is.

So, as for "dumping" her in nursery from 6 months, she didn't do too badly. I'm not saying she is perfect, but it didn't hurt her too much, so stop seeing it as a negative. Sometimes it is necessary.

Hysteria1983

I agree with Clair, people who use daycare do not 'dump' their kids with anyone.

I used daycare for my son, but as I got pregnant after just 6 months he wasn't there long as I quit when I had my daughter.

The staff were lovely and I am still very good friends with two of the girls.
They looked after my son wonderfully and he was always happy to see them.

Sometimes there is no choice when it comes to returning to work.

As it were a lot changed for us in the 12 months that followed, and I didn't need to go back to work. I am glad I have been able to stay at home and care for my children.
However I appreciate that some mothers can't or simply don't want to stop everything and become a 'sahm'.

Kev_turbo

I packed in a £40k job when my wife got pregnant with our second. Her job (being the lower earning of the 2) was more enjoyable, more scope for promotion and I had the ability to set up my own business which I now run working 3 days a week while the kids go into nursery. I don't earn much more than the cost of childcare and I could probably pack in work, stay at home as a benefit scrounger and only be £50 a week worse off. So is it worth me working for that £50 a week? I think so, it gets me out and about, keeps me fit, allows the kids to develop and learn social skills and when they do go to school I can just up the business a bit to work 5 days. Plus i couldn't cope with that much Cbeebies.

I think each to their own but there are some seriously bitter women out there that you meet in the playgyms etc who do nothing but baby, baby, baby and they resent their other halfs for removing a part of their social/work lives.

Kev

shamone

iTrader: (1)

+1

Suresh

In NL childcare is pricey but part-time jobs are plentiful. 'Er indoors works 20hrs a week as a nurse, which covers the childcare costs. A tax rebate of a few hundred notes a month is welcome here. The crèche and afterschool care are close by and offer a variety of facilities and activities. Kids made some good friends in the crèche which should not be underestimated, as a social network is important even at that age.

hodgy0_2

I have 5 kids - and my wife doesn't work and tbh it is one of life greatest luxuries

although when she gave up her career in fashion design -- we did loose a considerable part of our income

notwithstanding the benefit it give our children of having thier mum take and collect them from school and afternoon
clubs - I can complain if I dont get a full cooked dinner everynight!!!

but with the twins about to start full time school in September, she is thinking of returning to work of some sort

Trout

iTrader: (1)

Interesting theme that mother is best...

...my other half does not work and both of our pre-school kids go to nursery. One for three days a week (he is four) and one for two days a week (he is two). From our perspective the advance in social skills and learning is a massive complement to what we hope is a nurturing environment at home.

We come across other kids of similar ages who have only been at home and for a number of them the lack of social skills and the level of separation anxiety is massive. Going to school can suddenly become a huge traumatic step.



DL - I am intrigued about your summer holiday comment - if I read that right you think that travelling with kids is a 'bad thing' or have I read that wrong? If I have read it right - what a bizarre comment. Why wouldn't you take an 18 month old overseas?

Hysteria1983

Probably because it seems like mire hassle than it's worth? Who knows.

My two get a holiday every year. Yes it's hard work, but I think it's important For one thing (amongst others) that they get to learn about other cultured from a young age, that way they are mire accepting that people are ok to be different, in many ways.

David Lock

I am not hugely against this but I just think it's not worth the effort. But of course that's up to the parents to decide. There seems to be no benefit to the 18 month old aside from the danger of sunburn and mild food problems and parents are so tied to child on holiday that they hardly get a break themselves. Quite apart from all the clutter needed to take a child on a trip away.

We did one holiday like this with a group of friends including a couple with a youngster down in Portugal but the couple took their nanny and the dad and I drove down via Santander with most of the kit. Worked out really well.

And to revise/clarify my view of nurseries. I do agree that kids react well and develop when playing in a group environment but I don't think they are ready for this until they are 3 or 4 but of course one hopes that mum has friends around with young kids that visit or they go and see. I seem to remember that a huge amount of time was taken ferrying kids about.

But I accept we were probably over protective when kids were new to this world

dl