pslewis

Apparently genuine .... but who cares, they are good!!

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" (MY FAVOURITE)

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


AND THE WINNER IS....
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16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

Camoscooby

iTrader: (5)

Some good ones there

Frosticles

iTrader: (1)

Very good.

jasey

Read somewhere (probably one here).

Copper stops a speeder (young guy) and says to him "I've been waiting all day for you"

Guy Replies "Well I got here as fast as I could".

Cop lets him off with a warning

ReallyReallyGoodMeat

I call bull$hit. If it's caught on video, where's the video!

billyray911

iTrader: (4)

Sound like they're from the states...funny though!

Leslie

Good ones Pete, especially the last one.

Les

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

I think I had that exact email


























back in 2004

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

jesus pete, i posted all that us crap years ago

hodgy0_2

i suspect the OP did too - but that's alzheimer's for you

Jamie

And they were not even funny then

SwissTony

iTrader: (19)

true, but even then I made the effort and made it vaguely funny by injecting some swiss style into it

pslewis

God .......... there's some sad, lonely, miserable barstewards on here!

stedee

iTrader: (4)

i thought they were funny if that helps

pslewis

Thanks, yes it does help .....

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

heres a good one in reverse
copper arrests mate for drunk and swearing . he says so i cant swear in the street , copper says no
mate replies but you cant stop me thinking can you .
copper replies no why .
good says mate at top of his voice I THINK YOU ARE A **** ,needless to say we all fell about laughing , watching seven of them trying to force him into a mk3 escort was bloody funny as well . and then he kicked the back window out and tryed climbing out (he was a big bloke) whilst cuffed . after about 15mins plod turned up with a van and carted him off . highlight of the evening about 20 years ago in my younger days .

Jamie

Swissy is not that bad

What you need pslewis is a stalker i have one goes by the snet name >JT not the crap footballer

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Is he out of prison yet?

TX.

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

yes so far as i know lol he has grown up bought a house and got married. i suppose there is such a thing as a reformed chav after all , and before you ask no it wasnt me lol

Leslie

I still found them funny even if they were posted before.

Les