Banned!
21 November 2010, 11:59 AM
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Banned!
This one made me smile.
Banned from Sainsbury's, didn't like shopping there anyway
Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had - an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Les
Banned from Sainsbury's, didn't like shopping there anyway
Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had - an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Les
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21 November 2010, 05:39 PM
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21 November 2010, 05:49 PM
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22 November 2010, 09:17 AM
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Oh God, the bad joke replies have started:
Well I'n banned from Focus DIY. Attendant asked me if I wanted decking so I got the first punch i'n the *******.
I was talking to the wife about what to have for dinner the other day; as she leaned over the freezer I couldn't help myself, and took her roughly from behind, to her delight. That's us banned from Waitrose now...
You're lucky, I went into B&Q and some old duffer in orange came up to me when I was in the gardening isle and asked me what was wrong with my "old hoe". Now, that's no way to talk about my missus, so I chibbed him.
My Mum's banned from Tesco's
Whilst shopping she noticed that they were selling cheap tinned fruit, she noticed however that many of the tins were split, and the contents were seeping out, to top this some of the cans were going rusty, an obvious health hazzard.
My mum reported this to the staff, who wouldn't listen and then to the manager, a huge argument ensued and they refused to take them off display.
Then my mum, normally a nice quiet well mannered person, went to the cleaning products aisle, grabbed a bottle of Domestos and poured it over the cans, things then got really heated with lots of shouting etc. so the police were called and she was arrested for bleach of the peach.
Whilst shopping she noticed that they were selling cheap tinned fruit, she noticed however that many of the tins were split, and the contents were seeping out, to top this some of the cans were going rusty, an obvious health hazzard.
My mum reported this to the staff, who wouldn't listen and then to the manager, a huge argument ensued and they refused to take them off display.
Then my mum, normally a nice quiet well mannered person, went to the cleaning products aisle, grabbed a bottle of Domestos and poured it over the cans, things then got really heated with lots of shouting etc. so the police were called and she was arrested for bleach of the peach.
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