Jamz3k

For the past few weeks i've been meaning to go down to see my Godfather/uncle as he had just been put into a home due to suffering from dementia. I kept putting it off due to work committments having to do bits on the car....basically making excuses not to bother.

Unfortunately he passed away on Saturday and I cannot shift the tremendous guilt on my conscious as he was truely one of my heros.

Don't put things off chums, especially if it involves family.

RIP Geordie!

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

I carried a similar sort of guilt over my father for years, but you just have to let it go eventually. What's done is done and all you can do is do things differently in the future.

I know where you are coming from though.

Myles

iTrader: (40)

If you are anything like me it wasnt not bothering, it was not wanting to see someone in that state. I am an 'emotional brick wall' as my wife describes me, I will avoid all emotion at all cost, because possibly I havent grown up enough to learn how to deal with it.
Just concentrate on the good times with Geordie.

Hysteria1983

It's a very difficult situation to deal with.

My brother was supposed to visit last Christmas. We hadn't all been together as a family for 18 months, but there was a bit of a falling out and he didn't come.

Instead he went to Vegas in Feb, sadly the next trip home was leaving Vegas to come back to our dads funeral

I also feel awful for not knowing something was wrong when I spoke to him on the phone 20 minutes before he died.
I regret not thinking something was wrong as he was always saying he was ill, or had a bad chest. I should have known he called me for a reason. Even when he told me to call my mum, I didn't make a big deal, because the dog was ill, and I didn't want to worry her!

We just have to live with it and move on. It's very hard, and time is (supposed to be) a healer.
Something i'm struggling to understand.

Jamz3k

I would say you are pretty much on the ball. I "don't do" family if I'm honest.

Myles

iTrader: (40)

Snap. I shudder when I think about spending any meaningful length of time with them. It's often a little less tiresome when I do, but I much prefer just me the wife and kids.

Sorry for your loss anyway.

Leslie

I understand how you feel. Trouble is the future can catch you out so easily. Sorry he died before you could get to see him.

Your advice is good of course.

Les

davyboy

...I've had a few.

But then again, too few to mention.

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

Don't beat yourself up lad - I spent years of my life watching Alzheimers take my father, I went from being his son, to his brother, to "that man" to simply not being known to him at all - the Geordie you would have known was most probably gone some time ago.

BOB.T

'No regrets, they don't work.'

Don't worry about it too much but use the experience to make, perhaps, a better judgement next time.

Simon K

Your uncle knew you loved / liked him, so dont worry.

I had a similar situation with my father. He had terminal cancer and thinking he would be okay for a day went to work as I needed too, but he died that day / evening. My brother and mum went to vist him without me on that day, so had one more day with him than me, which is the hard part to digest, and even as I type this I can feel myself get upset with this. :-(

Mate, it is, as it is, and thats life. No one wants to see a loved one in such a vulnerable situation and try to avoid it. I was the same too, doesnt mean you dont love / miss him.

Best of luck.

SBK