my uncle has died
17 November 2011, 01:19 PM
#3
One you can tell the younger ones
A bloke takes his kids to the zoo. When they get inside there's just one cage with a small dog inside. The bloke goes back to office to complain, "you call this a zoo?" he says to the ticket seller, "It's just one dog in a cage". The ticket seller replies calmly, " thats right Sir, it's a ****zu
TO THEM WHO DON'T GET THIS SCROLL DOWN
For the ones with dormant brain cells
****zoo
TO THEM WHO DON'T GET THIS SCROLL DOWN
For the ones with dormant brain cells
****zoo
17 November 2011, 02:29 PM
#7
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lol 
whats the difference between a hedgehog and a police car.
with the hedgehog the ****** are on the outside.
whats the difference between a hedgehog and a police car.
with the hedgehog the ****** are on the outside.
Last edited by nizmo80; 17 November 2011 at 02:30 PM.
Trending Topics
17 November 2011, 03:15 PM
#8
Drinking in space would've really changed Star Wars. Imagine Han Solo pissed: 'Chewie, you look like a 70s minge!"
My wife brought home a tub of ice cream and asked if I wanted some.
"How hard is it?" I asked.
She cheekily replied, "As hard as your **** when your thinking about me naked!"
I said "Go on then, pour me a glass
My wife brought home a tub of ice cream and asked if I wanted some.
"How hard is it?" I asked.
She cheekily replied, "As hard as your **** when your thinking about me naked!"
I said "Go on then, pour me a glass
17 November 2011, 08:09 PM
#12
17 November 2011, 08:11 PM
#13
Instructing with fear
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I fell asleep on my first night working for the Samaritans.
When I woke I had 26 missed calls.
They can't have been that important though 'cos when I rang back no one answered.
When I woke I had 26 missed calls.
They can't have been that important though 'cos when I rang back no one answered.
17 November 2011, 08:19 PM
#16
Instructing with fear
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I saw a fat bird down the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan.
"She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten ???"
Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
... She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then ???"
"That's not how you spell Manatee."
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan.
"She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten ???"
Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
... She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then ???"
"That's not how you spell Manatee."
17 November 2011, 08:29 PM
#17
A priest is driving down the road when he comes across a dead pig. He informs the police of his discovery. A cocky desk sergeant laughs and quips 'have you given it the last rites?' The priest who is none too impressed replies 'no I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!'
18 November 2011, 08:58 AM
#19
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Police we called to a body found in the back of an ice cream van.
The guy had ice cream all over his head and was covered in hundreds and thousands.
Apparently he'd topped himself.
The guy had ice cream all over his head and was covered in hundreds and thousands.
Apparently he'd topped himself.
Last edited by jasey; 18 November 2011 at 09:01 AM.
18 November 2011, 02:20 PM
#23
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What do we want?
A cure for tourettes
When do we want it?
CVNT !
What do we want?
A cure for alzheimers
When do we want it?
... want what?
A cure for tourettes
When do we want it?
CVNT !
What do we want?
A cure for alzheimers
When do we want it?
... want what?
18 November 2011, 02:26 PM
#24
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There is a new Viagra out called 007.
It makes you roger more
The kids kept finding their Christmas presents we'd hidden in our wardrobe and under our bed, so my wife said the only way to stop it would be to put them in the loft.
I can still hear them crying though.
I Love My six-Pack
It's no wonder I protect it with a thick layer of fat
Had a leaflet through my door saying 'Jumble Sale'
So far I've got seal and ales
Scared the Postman today by going to the door completely naked
I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived
66% of Irish People like Jedward
That's two turds
Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week. I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a lifejacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
One of the seven dwarfs has been arrested for ******** a giraffe.
Apparently the other six put him up to it
Police suspect foul play in the death of Joe Frazier.... They're currently grilling George Foreman
At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball and dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand and Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his head and shouts: "Cones John, I said go round the fvcking CONES!"
Tributes have been pouring in for boxing hero Joe Frazier. John Terry said "the black cvnt was a legend"
It makes you roger more
The kids kept finding their Christmas presents we'd hidden in our wardrobe and under our bed, so my wife said the only way to stop it would be to put them in the loft.
I can still hear them crying though.
I Love My six-Pack
It's no wonder I protect it with a thick layer of fat
Had a leaflet through my door saying 'Jumble Sale'
So far I've got seal and ales
Scared the Postman today by going to the door completely naked
I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived
66% of Irish People like Jedward
That's two turds
Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week. I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a lifejacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
One of the seven dwarfs has been arrested for ******** a giraffe.
Apparently the other six put him up to it
Police suspect foul play in the death of Joe Frazier.... They're currently grilling George Foreman
At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball and dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand and Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his head and shouts: "Cones John, I said go round the fvcking CONES!"
Tributes have been pouring in for boxing hero Joe Frazier. John Terry said "the black cvnt was a legend"
18 November 2011, 02:43 PM
#25
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A priest is driving down the road when he comes across a dead pig. He informs the police of his discovery. A cocky desk sergeant laughs and quips 'have you given it the last rites?' The priest who is none too impressed replies 'no I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!'
Les
18 November 2011, 08:17 PM
#27
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I bought a new guard dog last week.
He is f*cking useless.Lets anybody & everybody in.
He's a UK Border Collie.
He is f*cking useless.Lets anybody & everybody in.
He's a UK Border Collie.
19 November 2011, 12:38 AM
#29
My brother was an epillectic, and died after he had a fit in the bath.
..... he choked on a sock
Boom boom