Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Not me but my in-laws.

They lost their house and went bankrupt back in the early 90's after borrowing/spending more than they could afford. And quite rightly they were black listed for some time.
Only two years ago did they get offered any kind of credit again and within months had purchased new phones, sofas, tv, car, laptop etc.

At the time I wondered where all the money was coming from. Last week we found out through my wifes sister that they are in debt to the sum of at least £30k!
He works as a bus driver full time and she works part time as a cleaner for the NHS, so they are not exactly bringing in a healthy income. (Not a dig at anyone on here, just stating a fact regarding their own situation. )

It now seems that their only way out is bankruptcy - again.

In my mind, they are f&cking idiots. I know it's tough at the moment, but if you can't afford it, or are able to easily cover a small car loan/credit card, you go without. Simple.
It just sickens me that this has happened again.

Obviously we are both worried. They live in a house but it is rented, so I don't what will happen if the bankruptcy goes through. Can they stay or will they be evicted?

They don't know that we know how much money they owe, just that they are having money problems. I rang the other night and offered my father-in-law any help I can offer (which won't be much as we ourselves bought our first house 18 months ago and now have a little son to consider) but his response was rather dismissive.
He is a very stubborn man with a constant chip on his shoulder, almost as if everybody owes him something.

I just don't know what to do, if I can do anything at all. I don't want to see them hungry or without heating, but how will they ever learn if they don't go through a little pain.

Problem is that I feel like **** for just thinking that.

Just needed somewhere to vent my frustration. Any comments of advice appreciated.

lozgti1

Bankruptcy means f'all nowadays.

No stigma,no hassle,discharged after a year

I blame Mandelson

fitzscoob

I'd be very wary of proffering any monetary help. It looks like they have no fear of going into bankruptcy again and again. In which case any money you give them will be pissed up the wall.

Its not a nice thing to watch, but until they actually realise they're doing this themselves then they wont be able to stop.

Chip

They obviously did not learn from their mistakes first time round as they have done the same again so why should you give them any of your hard earned money as 1) I doubt they would appreciate it and 2) You could say goodbye to the money.

Chip

Ste RB5138

You would think they have learnt their lesson first time around from the early 90's.

They had better start contacting the Citizens advice bureau.

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

I wouldn't expect any money back. It would be exactly what it is - help.
I would find it very hard not to stick £20 on their meter (another recent installation, so obviously running up debt with their energy provider) if they had no heating/hot water, especially at the moment. It's just not the sort of person I am. But then again, I also agree that they need a kick up the **** and a reality check.

So I have two options:
1) Help where I can
2) Watch them suffer

Both have their plus and minus points.

I just don't know.
Even harder when I have never really got on with the father-in-law either.

Chip

Is that a pre payment type meter? If it is then surely they will not rack up any debt with the energy supplier.

If it isn't then get it changed to one.

Do they smoke?

Do they drink?

Do they have SKY.

I bet there are loads of ways they could knuckle down and save money but they just don't want to. By giving them money you are probably not helping them as it just gives them a breather to carry on as normal til the next debt comes along when they will once again be chasing for a handout from the likes of you.

Sorry to sound harsh but sometimes, in fact a lot of the time people just beyond help.

Chip

bigredrob

I agree with chip, I think you have to put your wife and kid first. Its a problem, but not yours.

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

In all honesty, I think you are right.
They don't smoke or drink but they do have two new sofas on credit (one for them, one for their other daughter), 3 mobile phones at £30 a month and Sky HD with two multi-room boxes. So yes, there are ways they could easily cut back.
With regards to the pre-payment meter, this is only a recent addition. They were on direct debit.

I'm worried about them missing a sofa payment as you know what DFS are like. One missed payment and they whack on 40% for the entire term.

Terminator X

iTrader: (7)

Responsibility is key & they need to take it imho. Only help with what you can afford to not get back imho.

TX.

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

Now you know I tell it like it is and as far as I am cioncerned only a fool makes the same mistake twice.

As hard as it is this is not your prolem - leave them to it and try not to let them tug on your emotiona heart strings!

Lydia72

By "helping" them you're not really helping them at all, hard as it is you'd just be encouraging them.

cookie sti

If they live in a rented property then they cannot be evicted from a bankruptcy but if they do not keep up payments on their rent then obviously they can be evicted if they speak to the landlord about their problems then it will be an advantage and maybe they can work out a solution with the landlord.
I was unfortunatly made bankrupt 3 years ago due to signing a personal guarantee for my business and having a client go bankrupt on me causing me no other option. i cant say ive suffered from it, ok i had some of my vehicles repossessed and find it difficult for any form of credit be it a simple bank account and sometimes getting insurance but its not really a bad thing i have just had to be more responsible with how i spend my money, and thats why i own a subaru or 2 lol

Scooby Soon!

DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY MONEY


imho

Leslie

I would guess that the more help they are offered, the more they will accept and use your backing to go further into debt.

The only way that they might possibly learn some kind of responsibilty is to stew in their own juice finding out that yet again they will lose it all if they don't change their ideas.

It is really not down to you to keep rescuing them and denying your own family because of that. I imagine that they could quite likely see you go to the wall on their behalf.

Les

EddScott

As previously mentioned, bankruptcy isn't what it used to be.

If they don't really own anything significant like a house there isn't really an awful lot that will happen to them. They declare themselves bankrupt or maybe take an IVA. Agree some piffy amount and once discharged look around for some credit and re-run the fun.

We argue that they should take some responsibilty but yet if they are continually offered credit and they take it and spend it should those handing out the credit not take some blame? More fool them for giving this type of people money?

At two of my wifes relatives have done it. Deliberately run up a massive credit bill then when it runs out declare bankruptcy. They all on benefits so no hope of giving it back and as they own nothing there is nothing that can be done.

They are just working the system.

billythekid

Chances are they will know EXACTLY what they are doing.

I know someone who was told how to do it - what was the best way etc. He then went on a spending spree for about 12 months - got loads of credit - £40k worth so I have been told. Then just went bankrupt. Apparently the place where this guy works its "the done thing" and they all get as much as they can before they go pop. He got to keep his house as he has kids and could still pay his mortgage. The rest of it was just cancelled and that was that. Got free legal aid etc to get it sorted too.

EddScott

I would think that although the house is kept if its in his name and has equity, his creditors will have taken a charge on the house. When it is eventually sold they will take their slice.

Also I thought legal aid was only for those out of work?

If you have assets there will be a charge on them.

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

There used to be a big stigma about being bankrupt, these days unfortunately it's seen as a lifestyle choice for some people. One of my old neighbours racked up colossal debts on cars a boat and foreign holidays before going bust. And although the lost the house he got to keep the cars and the boat, and because he was sacked from work he lives rent free thanks to the taxpayer and was discharged after 9 months because the receiver. could not see him paying any money back.

I reckon during the peak of the credit boom I could have probably easily run up £150k with all the offers of credit I received.

jh1-2009

Don,t give them handout,s imo, I know someone in the same situation as you and his wife was pilfering money away to help her parent,s out. Nearly cost them their marriage ffs.
What is it these day,s where people think they are entitled to have anything they want but can,t wait and save up?? There is so much of it about these day,s but as the op say,s it,s so annoying when someone has been there before and not learned anything..

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Thanks for your thoughts and views.
I feel the same, in my head at least.

What's the odd £10 here and there going to solve when they owe over £30k? **** all really.

It's just such a shame.

PaulC72

TBH just leave them too it otherwise you may get dragged into it in the end.

chocolate_o_brian

iTrader: (22)

When you're thinking of giving them money to help out, stop yourself, look at Charlie and think "what could that £10/20 buy for my little boy?".

Stuff them, it's their fault and they will learn the hard way of necessary. I begrudge Nat giving her mum spare milk or sugar etc. when she's crying poverty. It's not my fault her mum is a pilfering stupid bitch money waster. Helps I don't like her either, feel sorry for Nat's dad in all honesty.

Erm, yeah... think of Charlie.

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Cheers fella.

I know that's the right thing to do and will do my best to stick to looking after my own. The thing that bugs me most is that they gave us £50 each at Christmas and bought Charlie loads of toys. I know it isn't an excuse for their overspend, but it does play on the mind.