Bloke see's an advert in the pet shop....
24 July 2012, 11:09 AM
#1
Former Sponsor
Thread Starter
Bloke see's an advert in the pet shop....
'Talking centipede £5000!'
He buys it, takes it home in small box.
After 30mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint?".
The centipede doesn't answer.
Raising his voice he repeats question, still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time you ****, I'm putting my ***king shoes on".
<I'll get my coat!>
He buys it, takes it home in small box.
After 30mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint?".
The centipede doesn't answer.
Raising his voice he repeats question, still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time you ****, I'm putting my ***king shoes on".
<I'll get my coat!>
Trending Topics
25 July 2012, 04:54 PM
#12
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (40)
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Marlow, Bucks.
Posts: 6,106
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Sounds much the same as:-
Walked into a pet shop, asked owner how much for a wasp, he said 'we dont sell wasps', I said 'You have two in the window'
I already have my coat on, saves time.....
Walked into a pet shop, asked owner how much for a wasp, he said 'we dont sell wasps', I said 'You have two in the window'
I already have my coat on, saves time.....
25 July 2012, 05:14 PM
#14
Former Sponsor
Thread Starter
Kev just told me this one......
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "Hey," the bartender says, "what's his name?" "Tiny," the man replys. "Why call him that?," the bartender says. "Because he's my newt."
My is coat is on!
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "Hey," the bartender says, "what's his name?" "Tiny," the man replys. "Why call him that?," the bartender says. "Because he's my newt."
My is coat is on!
25 July 2012, 05:17 PM
#16
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Home
Posts: 14,758
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly annoyed now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologised profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know." 
25 July 2012, 09:21 PM
#22
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Weston Super Mare, Somerset.
Posts: 14,102
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A magician on a cruise ship gives the same performance every night. But he has a parrot who chirps up with things like "it's under his coat" or "they're all Aces". Really p,issed off the magician.
Next day there was a terrible storm and the ship went down. All that was left was a piece of driftwood with the magician clinging onto one end and the parrot sulking on the other. They stared at each other but didn't speak.
After a few days the parrot gave up and squawked
"OK, what have you done with it"
Next day there was a terrible storm and the ship went down. All that was left was a piece of driftwood with the magician clinging onto one end and the parrot sulking on the other. They stared at each other but didn't speak.
After a few days the parrot gave up and squawked
"OK, what have you done with it"
25 July 2012, 09:23 PM
#24
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: God's promised land
Posts: 80,907
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
25 July 2012, 11:50 PM
#29
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: If you're not braking or accelerating you're wasting time.
Posts: 2,684
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
'Talking centipede £5000!'
He buys it, takes it home in small box.
After 30mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint?".
The centipede doesn't answer.
Raising his voice he repeats question, still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time you ****, I'm putting my ***king shoes on".
<I'll get my coat!>
He buys it, takes it home in small box.
After 30mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint?".
The centipede doesn't answer.
Raising his voice he repeats question, still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time you ****, I'm putting my ***king shoes on".
<I'll get my coat!>
One side is losing very badly.Then,5 minutes from the end the losing team bring on the centipede.He is brilliant & scores lots of goals, including the winner, seconds before full time.
The losing team are amazed & ask 'Why didn't you bring him on earlier?'
They reply 'It's taken him this long to put his boots on!'
26 July 2012, 12:05 AM
#30
Scooby Regular
I bought a talking dog the other day, when I paid the owner, I said "that is an amazing dog you have there, he has just told me he won crufts three times on the bounce' why would you sell a dog like that"
"coz he is a fvcking liar" replied the owner
"coz he is a fvcking liar" replied the owner
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
hardcoreimpreza
ScoobyNet General
13
25 September 2015 03:18 PM