Mouser

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
> When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
>
> I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
> was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
> coffin.... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I
> thought to myself, these b*g**rs have lost the plot!!
>
> I was at a cashpoint yesterday.
> A little old lady asked if I could check her balance.
> Not being one to disappoint I pushed her over.
>
> My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday.
> I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
> B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
>
> Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
>
> Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory.
> 3.1415927 dead
>
> I was walking in a cemetery, at dawn, and saw a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a sh*t."
>
> Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with
> their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.... I thought
> that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
>
> Saw my mate outside the Doctor's today looking really worried.
> "What's the matter?" I asked.
> "I've got the big C, "He said.
> "What, cancer?"
> "No, dyslexia."
>
> I start a new job in Seoul next week.
> I thought it was a good Korea move.
>
> A Scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with eBay.
> He claims that the Wii GameBoy he received isn't what he was
> expecting.
>
> I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs.
> The birds love it!
>
> The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to
> make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the
> forms will be printed in English.
>
> I saw an RAC van with the driver was sobbing uncontrollably and
> looking very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a
> breakdown'.
>
> On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking
> Doctor' I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our
> country?'
>
> The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused
> from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to
> warn him

Dave1980

That one about giving the baby a dead leg certainly tickled me

Jamie

And the point of this thread is what? you c+p random jokes from 20 years ago?


sorry but is this to make us happy ? or just read the same old crap?

Mouser

You are entitled to your opinion, twice.

David Lock

Lost your sense of humour then?

Some excellent stuff there

dl

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

A couple of them made me giggle.

Try and be happy just one last time.

scoobeenut

Is it that time of the month for you?

mrmadcap

Even though you posted twice, and i read it twice but i still don't get the joke. Much prefer mousers jokes.

Jamie

mrmadcap They are not his jokes are they ? just 20 plus year old jokes

mrmadcap

Didn't realise you were old enough to remember them because I am and I didn't.

Jamie

Not old but old enough to remember his jokes

Now let put these jokes into perspective seven of those are not even from tommy cooper.

Mouser

O.K. i'll type this slowly so you can perhaps grasp my meaning........

I never implied the jokes were credited to Tommy Cooper. The jokes were the TYPE of jokes Tommy Cooper told as per the title.

SkullFudge

What a great place the world would be full of people like you


Brightened up my day Mouser

Suresh

I didn't see this one coming.

> My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday.
> I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
> B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
>

Jamie

What a great place the world would be full of people like you


the world would be full of people like you

Jamie

Would have or is ? make your mind up.

Bubba po

You're asking the impossible.

Jamie lives in a hovel made of piled-up rocks. Every morning he looks out of his window to see bleak desolation and the odd sheep, chewing sadly. It always causes him to reflect upon his awful life, devoid of joy and colour. He observes last night's bottle of supermarket own-brand whisky, drained to the dregs and refilled with urine, and remarks to himself how he too is an emptied vessel topped up with ****.

Jamie

Sheep? what planet are you on bubba? hows the wife btw

Felix.

He did say Tommy Cooper type jokes.

I take it you've had a hystericalrectomy Jamie or are you just a miserable sod in general

Leslie

Just the second I reckon.

They made me smile alright, certainly in Tommy Coopers style for sure.

Les

Funkii Munkii

Very Tim Vine

Loved the Pie factory and Dead Leg .


Who let Gollum out of his hovel ??

SkullFudge

wemc

dazdavies

iTrader: (22)

Jamie, f*ck off you miserable ****!