Mole update... (Animal activists stop here!)

There are now about nearly a dozen mole volcanos on the lawn and in the flower beds (does this mean 10 moles or one hyperactive mole?) and not a single one of them has twitched whilst I have been watching. Over the bankholiday weekend, I decide to confront them once and for all. I set my video camera up on a tripod in the upstairs bedroom to watch the holes on the lawn overnight to see what happens. I leave the outside halogen security lights on to provide some 'studio lighting' and hope it wont scare them away. Camera left on slow motion recording to get about 8 hours on the tape.

I have numbered each hole using parts from my little lads garden golf set so I can easily see which hole is most active and I now carry on the golf theme by referring to each little volcano as 'the first', the ninth etc.... (By now the wife thinks I am completely barmy and just watches the plot unfold from the kitchen window with a wry grin firmly attached.)

9pm - Start video camera and settle in for the evening to watch my new dvd called 'Signs' with Mel Gibson (great film!)

Sunday morning 7am, I retreive tape and start to watch it using fast forward button on VCR. Nothing happens... Spend most of Sunday morning watching a totally inert picture of my mini-golf course on the telly until the tape reaches about 3:12am on Sunday morning. Movement on the fifth! I make a note of the time on the video and continue watching... 3:26am on the 6th (which I think is connected to the 5th as they are quite close) there is more movement - you can just make out what looks like a small head coming out of the hole. Continue watching - but thats it - nothing else. The tape runs out.

Spend Sunday lunchtime at the local garden centre buying traps, repellents, sonic devices - anything that looks vaguely poisonous, sharp or dangerous to small animals. £70 lighter, I go home to prepare for the evenings battle.

My armoury consist of:
1 x expensive sonic probe thingy (looks like a long metal tube with a ball on the end, you stick it in the ground and its supposed to scare the pesky critters away with some kind of high pitched noise)

2 x evil looking metal traps that squidge the mole between a set of sharp metal teeth if it passes through a hole in the middle.

2 x 'Humane' mole trap - a tube that you lay in the tunnel that allows creatures in but not out.

1 x packet of 4 greenhouse smoke making thingys

1 x can of petrol (Std unleaded - not wasting Optimax on these little bu66ers!)

1 x length of hosepipe about 8 feet long (to pour petrol down holes)

1 x air rifle with pointed pellets (just in case they retaliate)

1 x swiss army knife - (you never know when that pair of scissors will come in handy)

THE PLAN...

It looks like the 5th and the 6th are the most active holes so I leave those alone for the moment.

I place the expensive sonic device thingy in one of the other holes (the third) about 12 feet away from the 5th and carefully put the hosepipe down the tunnel leading from the 2nd towards the general direction of the 5th and 6th - about 5 or 6 feet of tube goes down the tunnel. I fix a funnel to the end to make it easy to pour in the gas.

Next I carefully insert the two evil traps into holes 4 and 7 (the next closest holes to the 5th and 6th were lasts nights action took place) and then place the 2 humane traps into the 5th and 6th wearing gloves to mask my scent. In the remaining holes (the 1st, 8th, 9th, and 10th) I place the smoke pellets.

THE ATTACK...
Deciding that it might make sense to activate the traps etc around the same time of night as they appeared on the video, I stay up until 3am on Monday morning before I start the offensive. Also means that the smoke from the pellets wont alarm the neighbours too much!

Creaping out in the dark I first pour the petrol down the funnel into the tunnel - after about a quarter of a gallon, the smell start to get a little too pungent and I stop pouring. I light up the smoke pellets and put a cover over each one so the smoke cannot escape and stays in the tunnels. Not very effective... Smoke everywhere.

Next up is the sonic thingy - I connect the battery to switch it on and shove it down the third. (By this time Im very tired
but having fun so the idea of killing these things starts to bring on the 'fog of war'....)

With everything in place its time to light the petrol.....

Using a long fireplace taper I try to light the petrol sodden rag that protrudes out of the 2nd hole. Eventually (after another dowsing with gas) it catches.

Not sure what happened next.

There was a brief runmbling underground and I guess about 4 or 5 seconds later, three of the four burning smoke pellets flew
up into the air out of their holes like cannonballs, trailing smoke behind them like the red arrows. Two of them lodged in nearby trees - the other flew over next door.

Blue flames shot out of the 2nd, 5th and 6th making them look like real volcanoes and the two plastic 'humane' traps caught fire and promptly started buring the surrounding grass. It was a bit like a scene from apocalypse now - all the smoke and fire.

I grabbed the shovel I had ready (for clouting the moles when they tried to escape) and started beating out the flames. Unfortunately, whilst doing this, I also smacked the expensive sonic thingy and killed it (it even let out a dieing squeak!)

I swiftly put out the grass that was on fire before the neighbours noticed and decided at that point to call it a night.

Tired, dirty and smelling of smoke and petrol, I crept in to bed. The wife asked if I had 'got them' - I said "No, it was round
one to the moles".

Next morning the garden looked terrible. The grass where the tunnels were was all singed and around each of the 2nd, 5th and
6th volcanoes was a large circle of black grass. The humane traps had melted and the expensive sonic thingy's top was broken off.
Of the original 8 or so feet of hose pipe, only 2 - 3 feet remained - dont know what happened to the rest of it.

The smoke pellets in the trees still smoked a little and I had succesfully fumigated next doors fish pond with the third.

Cleaning up the mess, I collected the lads golf game numbers from each hole - 1 thru to 10 - trouble is there was now 11 holes. I guess the little 5ods had made another volcano last night!

I drowned my sorrows down the pub and ended up talking to a farmer who, on hearing my tale, told me that the only way to get rid of moles is to dig them out.

I have cleaned my spade ready for next weekend.

Mak.

(Edited for pselling)



[Edited by Makalu - 5/8/2003 10:27:11 AM]