Early Nominee for Plonker of the Year Award
#1
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anyway, the wind's blowing and the surf's up so I decide to head up the coast for the weekend with a three hour drive up the coast to a good surf beach.
Get to a good beach and hit the waves for a couple of hours (surf's a bit choppy)
When I come out I get changed, I get back in the car and have a snooze (as yer do at my age).
Wake up, decide to head further on up the coast to the next town where there's a football match on.
Stop at a garage, fill up the tank and get back on the open road - it's about 6pm, so it's getting a little cold so I decide to wind up the windows - hit the electric button, driver's window goes up, passenger window won't budge.
I stop the car, go round to the passenger side and try pulling the window up with the button depressed.
nothing happens.
have a think - can hardly park the car in town with the window wide open; it's Saturday, all the garages are closed - so I'm stuck with an open window.
Only one thing for it, head back home and get it fixed on Monday.
On the way home it starts raining and the passenger seat is getting wet, it's also bloody cold and I can't hear my music above the wind noise thru the open window.
Anyways, after about an hour into the journey home, I notice a rocker switch on the driver door - looks at a funny angle; I press it back to its normal angle. Then i try the window switches again.
Presto - the passenger window closes.
It appears that when I was sleeping in the car I must have knocked the child-proof lock and locked the windows open.
What a plonker.
Get to a good beach and hit the waves for a couple of hours (surf's a bit choppy)
When I come out I get changed, I get back in the car and have a snooze (as yer do at my age).
Wake up, decide to head further on up the coast to the next town where there's a football match on.
Stop at a garage, fill up the tank and get back on the open road - it's about 6pm, so it's getting a little cold so I decide to wind up the windows - hit the electric button, driver's window goes up, passenger window won't budge.
I stop the car, go round to the passenger side and try pulling the window up with the button depressed.
nothing happens.
have a think - can hardly park the car in town with the window wide open; it's Saturday, all the garages are closed - so I'm stuck with an open window.
Only one thing for it, head back home and get it fixed on Monday.
On the way home it starts raining and the passenger seat is getting wet, it's also bloody cold and I can't hear my music above the wind noise thru the open window.
Anyways, after about an hour into the journey home, I notice a rocker switch on the driver door - looks at a funny angle; I press it back to its normal angle. Then i try the window switches again.
Presto - the passenger window closes.
It appears that when I was sleeping in the car I must have knocked the child-proof lock and locked the windows open.
What a plonker.
#3
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lol.. that's almost as bad as when i gave my mom a loan of my 200sx.
She parked the car in town and went to remove the key only to find it was stuck in the ignition. She waited by the car for 20 minutes not knowing what to do, until, she spotted a traffic warden and asked them to watch the car for 2 minutes while she went to phone me and tell me what had happened. The traffic warden took one look at the car, pushed the release button on the ignition barrel and removed the key.
Worst thing was, my mom used to own a micra that had the same release button.
She parked the car in town and went to remove the key only to find it was stuck in the ignition. She waited by the car for 20 minutes not knowing what to do, until, she spotted a traffic warden and asked them to watch the car for 2 minutes while she went to phone me and tell me what had happened. The traffic warden took one look at the car, pushed the release button on the ignition barrel and removed the key.
Worst thing was, my mom used to own a micra that had the same release button.
#5
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I'm stupid, too! ![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
Once tried to remove key from my mom's BMW, but it wouldnt come off. Took me at least 20 seconds to figure out I had to put the stupid Auto gearbox lever on P to be able to remove it
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
Once tried to remove key from my mom's BMW, but it wouldnt come off. Took me at least 20 seconds to figure out I had to put the stupid Auto gearbox lever on P to be able to remove it
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#6
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the passenger rear door on my wagon would not open.
left it like that and took to the people who sold it to me, months later as they are in cornwall, so i waited til i was that way.
turned out to be the child lock on the shut of the door! tiny little metal switch.
muppet!
weava
left it like that and took to the people who sold it to me, months later as they are in cornwall, so i waited til i was that way.
turned out to be the child lock on the shut of the door! tiny little metal switch.
muppet!
weava
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#8
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Know what you mean, a while ago I was in traffic on the M25 and I put my arm through the steering and caught the parking light swicth, come of the M25 for a bite to eat turn of my lights get out of the car, my side lights were, thought I had a short in the lights didn't know my car had a parking light....PLONKER!!!!!!!!!
cheers
Colin
cheers
Colin
#10
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Workmate of mine had his MY00 turbo a year. Booked it in for a service and asked them to fit a CD autochanger while they had it in.
Service done OK but they said they hadn't fitted the Autochanger.
WHY?
There was one already fitted beneath the passenger seat. Workmate had the car for a year and didn't know
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
He had never mentioned it to me or I'd have told him![Smile](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/smile.gif)
Lee
Service done OK but they said they hadn't fitted the Autochanger.
WHY?
There was one already fitted beneath the passenger seat. Workmate had the car for a year and didn't know
![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
He had never mentioned it to me or I'd have told him
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Lee
#11
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Okay confessions time :
1. Last week I spent 15 minutes trying to work out how to open the bonnet on a Focus. Finally decided to go against all my natural instinct being a male and in IT and read the manual and I couldnt believe the Ford badge spins around and there is a lock beneath it
.
2. When they introduced collars on Vauxhall gear sticks took me ten minutes to get reverse once as well.
3. Vauxhall interior pull out light switch was a good one as well
.
4. Took me 20 minutes to fill my brand new scoob up as well until a kind soul on scoobynet told me to spin the petrol pump 45 degrees. I thought rubbish cant be that easy, it was
. Wished I had know and wouldnt have had to endure the comments from a load of 14 year old lads shouting. I will fill it up for you mister if you take us for a spin.
1. Last week I spent 15 minutes trying to work out how to open the bonnet on a Focus. Finally decided to go against all my natural instinct being a male and in IT and read the manual and I couldnt believe the Ford badge spins around and there is a lock beneath it
![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
2. When they introduced collars on Vauxhall gear sticks took me ten minutes to get reverse once as well.
3. Vauxhall interior pull out light switch was a good one as well
![Wink](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/wink.gif)
4. Took me 20 minutes to fill my brand new scoob up as well until a kind soul on scoobynet told me to spin the petrol pump 45 degrees. I thought rubbish cant be that easy, it was
![EEK!](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/eek.gif)
#12
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Not auto-related but...
About 5 years ago my missus gave a sh1tload of grief to a guy in a local mobile phone shop cos the phone he'd sold her didn't work.
After 15 minutes of aural abuse, she'd finally vented her spleen...
"Madam" he patiently explained, "It won't work unless you switch it on"
OOPS! (It was one of those ones where you have to hold the button down for a couple of seconds before the unit starts up).
THEN about 2 months later, I was given one for a Xmas pressie. Switched it on but couldn't get a network signal for some reason. So...the only option was to use the SOS button which was always available. Missus hits the SOS button and goes on for about 5 minutes telling the guy on the other end of the phone all about the mobile, where it was bought and what was wrong and how pissed off we are cos it ain't working.
"Sorry love, this is the fire department, can't do a lot for your phone. Happy Christmas all the same".
OOPS! Forgot to install the sim card
About 5 years ago my missus gave a sh1tload of grief to a guy in a local mobile phone shop cos the phone he'd sold her didn't work.
After 15 minutes of aural abuse, she'd finally vented her spleen...
"Madam" he patiently explained, "It won't work unless you switch it on"
OOPS! (It was one of those ones where you have to hold the button down for a couple of seconds before the unit starts up).
THEN about 2 months later, I was given one for a Xmas pressie. Switched it on but couldn't get a network signal for some reason. So...the only option was to use the SOS button which was always available. Missus hits the SOS button and goes on for about 5 minutes telling the guy on the other end of the phone all about the mobile, where it was bought and what was wrong and how pissed off we are cos it ain't working.
"Sorry love, this is the fire department, can't do a lot for your phone. Happy Christmas all the same".
OOPS! Forgot to install the sim card
![Smile](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/smile.gif)
#13
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A friend brought round his 308 GTB. We had a coffee and chatted about it then I said "chuck me the keys, I want to have a sit in it". He did this and I went for a play. Anyway half an hour later he comes out to see what I'm doing, I'm stuck in the car feeling stupid as I can't find the handle to get out....
F
F
#15
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Did exactly the same thing when I took the door cards off - I was putting them back on had re-connected the electric window thingys (v. technical me!
) and thought I'd just try the windows - couldn't figure out why all of them were broken except the drivers one
...needless to say after alot of "I shouldn't have been playing with it" and "I'm sure I've connected everything" and that horrible sinking feeling my husband came out and pressed that infamous button - sorted. I was quite releved!
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#16
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Phil - 0-3
They got absolutely hammered, top six finish isn't looking healthy...
It's quite funny, most of these plonker moments could have been solved by just reading the manual.![Smile](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/smile.gif)
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
TheScooby
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It's quite funny, most of these plonker moments could have been solved by just reading the manual.
![Smile](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/smile.gif)
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
TheScooby
#17
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That window lock out switch on the scooby is weird though... my other car has one which only locks out the passenger switches, the ones on the drivers door still work! Plus it only locks the back windows not the front passenger one.
Seems a bit silly to lock out the switches on the drivers door as a child lock cos if they can reach that they can just switch the lock off anyway
Seems a bit silly to lock out the switches on the drivers door as a child lock cos if they can reach that they can just switch the lock off anyway
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
#18
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Some good replies from us plonkers so.....................
So here goes![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
I do like my mountain biking so, up early one saturday morning, off down to lake district bike in boot![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
Gets to the Lakes, takes the bike out of the boot, minus the front wheel which was still in my shed at home![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
So here goes
![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
I do like my mountain biking so, up early one saturday morning, off down to lake district bike in boot
![Big Grin](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif)
Gets to the Lakes, takes the bike out of the boot, minus the front wheel which was still in my shed at home
![Roll Eyes (Sarcastic)](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif)
#19
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...pulled into m'way svcs one day ,guy under bonnet of a Fiat(i think) 5mins later he's still there,i wander over ...he was looking for the dipstick,got a torch each, 5mins later.....well we never did find it.... ![Confused](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/confused.gif)
![Confused](https://www.scoobynet.com/images/smilies/confused.gif)
#20
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Years ago we were moving house and my dad borrowed a big old Renault van off his mate.. On the way back it started getting dark.. so my dad goes to put the headlights on.. Could we find the headlight switch? could we hell.. tried every stalk/switch and no joy. took someone to stop and show us that you twist the stalk...
#21
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On a Business trip to Canada and have a Chevrolet Impala as a Hire Car. We've been to a bar for food and Drink one evening and when we leave it's dark.
Right then, better put some lights on. 10 minutes later still haven't found the light switch, I can switch on the 6 different map reading and courtesy lights and managed to change the brightness of the the dash lights but no light switch.
Then it occurrs to me, The Dash Lights are on! This thing has automatic Bl**dy lights, because the car park was so well illuminated I had'nt noticed they were already on.
Needless to say I did'nt mention it to the guys I was working with.
Right then, better put some lights on. 10 minutes later still haven't found the light switch, I can switch on the 6 different map reading and courtesy lights and managed to change the brightness of the the dash lights but no light switch.
Then it occurrs to me, The Dash Lights are on! This thing has automatic Bl**dy lights, because the car park was so well illuminated I had'nt noticed they were already on.
Needless to say I did'nt mention it to the guys I was working with.
#23
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I have had a Lancia Thema for 4 months, i've spent a total of 3 hours looking for the wiper fluid tank, i've never managed to find it, and the strange thing is that i never ran out of wiper fluid.
#24
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Years ago, borrowing my mum's clio to drive up to see universities, had to stop to refill the screen wash.
Found the bonnet release catch, pulled it.
Could I open the bonnet? Could I fsck! Lifting the front, just couldn't find the catch at all.
After about 5 minutes, the bloke from the AA wandered across and patiently lifted the back edge of the bonnet...
"D'oh!"
Found the bonnet release catch, pulled it.
Could I open the bonnet? Could I fsck! Lifting the front, just couldn't find the catch at all.
After about 5 minutes, the bloke from the AA wandered across and patiently lifted the back edge of the bonnet...
"D'oh!"
#25
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ok, self muppet award...
In my Skoda, opened the door, got out the car and my lights on warning buzzer goes off, so I look at the light switch (rotary), it's off, turn it on then off again, try once more, buzzer sounds again. Figure I had broken something when I wired some lighting to the back of the switch, so pull out switch assembly and check wiring, all seems fine, reseat everything and try once more, again the buzzer goes off.....
..at this point a friend says "have you left the indicator on? That leaves a parking light on whichever side it's selected"
oops.
Ian
In my Skoda, opened the door, got out the car and my lights on warning buzzer goes off, so I look at the light switch (rotary), it's off, turn it on then off again, try once more, buzzer sounds again. Figure I had broken something when I wired some lighting to the back of the switch, so pull out switch assembly and check wiring, all seems fine, reseat everything and try once more, again the buzzer goes off.....
..at this point a friend says "have you left the indicator on? That leaves a parking light on whichever side it's selected"
oops.
Ian
#26
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Years ago I had a Fiesta xr2i. Was on the way to sheffield, so before i hit the mway i decided to stop for petrol. The garage had some sort of promotion going on, this bouncy blonde steps up and asks if she can check my oil for me while i fill up. She then closes the bonnet and tells me that my oil level is fine, she goes off to another customer i go to pay me bill.
I set off thinking nothing more. Got on mway and after a few miles notice me bonnet moving at speed, i pull over onto hard shoulder and notice that she had left the bonnet on the release catch only, not fully shut. I close it and im on me way again. I get to Sheffield and park on my girlfriends steep driveway.
Get a knock on the door in the morning from her father, he says theres a big oil patch under me car thats seeping down his drive. I go out and have a look, open the bonnet, sure enough the bloody dipstick is out and not rammed home. The girl at the petrol station must have left it like that for me to check for myself.
What a wally i felt.
[Edited by scoobynutta555 - 1/28/2003 4:37:58 PM]
I set off thinking nothing more. Got on mway and after a few miles notice me bonnet moving at speed, i pull over onto hard shoulder and notice that she had left the bonnet on the release catch only, not fully shut. I close it and im on me way again. I get to Sheffield and park on my girlfriends steep driveway.
Get a knock on the door in the morning from her father, he says theres a big oil patch under me car thats seeping down his drive. I go out and have a look, open the bonnet, sure enough the bloody dipstick is out and not rammed home. The girl at the petrol station must have left it like that for me to check for myself.
What a wally i felt.
[Edited by scoobynutta555 - 1/28/2003 4:37:58 PM]
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