> > NELSON MANDELA
> >
> >
> > Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when
> > he hears a knock at the door.
> >
> >
> > When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a
> > clip board and yelling,
> >
> >
> > "You Sign! You sign!"
> >
> >
> > Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
> >
> >
> > Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man
> > starts to yell louder,
> >
> >
> > "You Sign! You sign!"
> >
> >
> > Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and
> > shuts the door in his face.
> >
> >
> > The next day he hears a knock at the door again.
> >
> >
> > When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of
> > brake pads.
> >
> >
> > He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,
> >
> >
> > "You sign! You sign!"
> >
> >
> > Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little
> > Chinese man back, shouting:
> >
> >
> > "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he
> > slams the door in his face again.
> >
> >
> > The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
> > hears a knock on the door again.
> >
> >
> > On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a
> > clipboard under his nose, shouting,
> >
> >
> > "You sign! You sign!"
> >
> >
> > Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
> >
> >
> > This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man
> > by his shirt front and yells at him:
> >
> >
> > "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong
> > name! Who do you want to give these to?"
> >
> >
> > The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and
> > says:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (It's a beauty)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (Wait for it)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (Get your best Chinese accent ready)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > "You not Nissan Main Deala?"

 

omg i almost died with suspension when i scrolled down...

 

not bad

 

 

i was telling that joke 10 years ago.try this one
paddy worked at the zoo and the one remaining ape came into season
so the zoo keeper said to paddy "would you **** her for five hundred quid"
paddy thought about it and said "yes but i have three conditions"
1/ no kissing
2/the family must never no
and 3 can you give me a couple of weeks to get the cash together.

 

lol oh dear

After great sex, my thai girlfriend lies there stroking my *****. i ask do you want more sex? no, she replies. i am just admiring your ***** i really miss mine!

 

excellent