what happens when you drop a can of Murphys
05 March 2001 | 02:29 PM
#1
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Joined: May 1999
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from the loft...
Firstly, I appreciate this is in the wrong forum, totally non scoobie related and sure to find itself in the muppet forum within 25 nano-seconds if not before... but..
I found myself in the loft on Saturday (getting an old coat for my good lady so she could put up the new shed(we don't discriminate in our house, she does everything I do nothing)), now we are organising a quiz night for the kid's school so in my loft are ample quantities of liquid refreshment.
Now you are all familiar with that "can't do anything about" it feeling, you know the one, the car coming straight towards you and absolutely nothing you can do about it....
a small pause, while I set the scene, my landing has just been redecorated as has my daughters room, and the bathroom, and there is new carpet down.... i am in the loft with lashings of beer!!!!!
As I step out of the loft, I catch four cans of Murphy's, the only way I can stop them is to leap headfirst out of the loft, and this is not an option (I am not ready for speeding tickets in heaven quite yet)....SO I WATCH... as Newtons Law of Gravity takes over one of the cans ruptures on the ladder and the widget...(I could do nasty things to the widget inventor) sends half a can of deep brown Murphy's flying around the upstairs of my house...
No wall was safe, the landing - four walls and the ceiling.... the bathroom - two towels, the linen basket the chest of drawers and the floor.... my daughters room - the wall, the radiator, her pram (she has the pram because she is 7 as opposed to 14).... our room - two walls the wadrobe, the chest of drawers and all my wifes clothes freshly back from the dry cleaners (fortunately they were black so the Murphy's doesn't show so she doesn't know).....
It took me just over 1 1/2 hours to clear it all up.... credit to Laura Ashley though for making paint that doesn't show Murphy's stains unlike Dulux which does.
I am sure there is a moral to this story somewhere, but I wanted to share it with you....
Dave (Preparing for the muppet forum) P
Firstly, I appreciate this is in the wrong forum, totally non scoobie related and sure to find itself in the muppet forum within 25 nano-seconds if not before... but..
I found myself in the loft on Saturday (getting an old coat for my good lady so she could put up the new shed(we don't discriminate in our house, she does everything I do nothing)), now we are organising a quiz night for the kid's school so in my loft are ample quantities of liquid refreshment.
Now you are all familiar with that "can't do anything about" it feeling, you know the one, the car coming straight towards you and absolutely nothing you can do about it....
a small pause, while I set the scene, my landing has just been redecorated as has my daughters room, and the bathroom, and there is new carpet down.... i am in the loft with lashings of beer!!!!!
As I step out of the loft, I catch four cans of Murphy's, the only way I can stop them is to leap headfirst out of the loft, and this is not an option (I am not ready for speeding tickets in heaven quite yet)....SO I WATCH... as Newtons Law of Gravity takes over one of the cans ruptures on the ladder and the widget...(I could do nasty things to the widget inventor) sends half a can of deep brown Murphy's flying around the upstairs of my house...
No wall was safe, the landing - four walls and the ceiling.... the bathroom - two towels, the linen basket the chest of drawers and the floor.... my daughters room - the wall, the radiator, her pram (she has the pram because she is 7 as opposed to 14).... our room - two walls the wadrobe, the chest of drawers and all my wifes clothes freshly back from the dry cleaners (fortunately they were black so the Murphy's doesn't show so she doesn't know).....
It took me just over 1 1/2 hours to clear it all up.... credit to Laura Ashley though for making paint that doesn't show Murphy's stains unlike Dulux which does.
I am sure there is a moral to this story somewhere, but I wanted to share it with you....
Dave (Preparing for the muppet forum) P
05 March 2001 | 02:37 PM
#4
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 9,400
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From: A land of lap-dancers and Lanson Black Label
..........'kin waste of booze.....I hope you sucked the carpet dry......ooo-eerrr fnnaarrr fnaarr etc.....Innuendo Jones make a visit...cue music....da da da daaa da da da
05 March 2001 | 02:40 PM
#5
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Joined: Mar 2000
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From: Gloucestershire, home of the lawnmower.
You actually considered diving out of the loft to catch them ? In that case have a read of this one:
------------------------------------------------------------
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left ********." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read: "Chinese Torture 3: Right ******** tied to bed post."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cheers
Ian
------------------------------------------------------------
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left ********." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read: "Chinese Torture 3: Right ******** tied to bed post."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cheers
Ian
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05 March 2001 | 02:48 PM
#8
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 9,400
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From: A land of lap-dancers and Lanson Black Label
......to the tune of "ere we go , ere we go..."
.....send it down, send it down,send it down.......send it down send it down send it dowwwwwn...... aye thank-you
.....send it down, send it down,send it down.......send it down send it down send it dowwwwwn...... aye thank-you
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