boomer

...or more accurately, it was as if you wandered down the street in a run-down area shouting at the top of your voice...

"Hey everybody, look at me - I SAID LOOK AT ME. I am so flippin' brilliant that i went to Paris a few years ago, way before any of you had even heard of Paris. It's in a country called France y'know! Oh, and by the way - i am considerably richer that yauw"

And some local said "what's that all about?"

And you said "you wouldn't understand because you need a passport to get there, and i have the oldest passport in the world".

So they said "cor, show us yer passport then mate" with a sincere interest.

But you said "er, it was a special passport, which i got three years before passports were invented, and in fact it looks exactly like my Lamborgini Top Trumps card that i have in my pocket."

So they said "Wow!, go on then, show us your Top Trumps card - because i only have an Austin Allegro one"

But you said "I can't, because it is still in it's cellophane wrapper, and besides, i left it at home"

So they said "oh please, go and get it so that i can have a look"

....but you ran away and weren't seen for five weeks.

However, you were spotted lurking behind the TV shop, and the local recognised you, so he asked "Well, have you got that passport that you were bragging about?"

And you said "i will only show you if you tattoo the word "tosser" on your forehead" - but then you disappeared again, swearing and calling everybody names.

Anyway, eight months later you returned, and this time said that you only actually needed a passport every few visits - and it was up to you to "allow" immigration to look at it, not for them to demand to see it ... and you gave them a smug sneer!

At which point the locals decided that you were a sad, attention-seeking loner, and verbally beat the crap out of you

mb
Legal note: The above story (including the original post in this thread) is fictitious, and any similarities to living or brain-dead people is entirely co-incidental